You’re Welcome

There are many things that are taught in kindergarten that we still use and will continue to use for the rest of our lives. They are foundations upon which we continue to build. They are most successful when the ideas and concepts begin with parents at birth because this undergirds and supports what teachers are trying to convey daily. An example of this would be colors and shapes. By alternating them they can test the student’s ability to retain information. The ‘match game’ that we used to play with our girls when they were young is an excellent tool. Colors are taught every day using various methods.

The alphabet is another important lesson that was focused on in kindergarten, being the fundamental structure of our language. It was hammered into our heads, and it was very much appreciated when parents had attempted to do the same before they were entrusted with the care and education of the child. Once the individual letters are learned, they then get put together to form small words. These short word formations become the foundation of our reading and writing careers.

Numbers are another lesson that will prove invaluable throughout our lives, and it begins at home and in kindergarten as well. Once we can recognize the numbers, we are taught to count items and identify the amount with the numbers learned. We then learn how to add numbers starting with one plus one, and for the brilliant it can evolve into a multiplicity of math equations. This is the beginning of our math careers, through elementary, middle, and high school, college, career, and life. We use numbers to quantify almost everything we do, whether actual amounts or percentages. All these lessons mentioned can be combined into fun learning by exceptional teachers.

Besides the academic information we receive, learn, and absorb like little sponges in kindergarten, there are other major life lessons that are imparted as well. Social skills are one of those, training children how to interact, communicate, and share with others is of utmost importance. This may come a little easier for those who have multiple siblings or have been involved in a Preschool or Sunday School Class on a regular basis. However, it is important for everyone to learn and retain as they continue to mature and move on to subsequent grades.

Manners are a crucial social skill lesson that though we should remember and practice for the rest of our lives, we so often forget. Common courtesy is often forgotten as we grow older, and selfishness and narcissism begin to take its place. Some of these lessons taught to us when we were little, and are now being taught to our children is, do not pass gas in public. Say, “Excuse me.” if you burp. Put your hand over your mouth if you sneeze. Raise your hand and ask politely if you need to leave the room to go to the restroom. If you want to use a crayon that someone else has, ask nicely and always say, “Please, thank you and you’re welcome.” Unfortunately, these skills that should be in our toolbox as we forge into the world, sadly become extinct. It might be in our best interest to read or re-read Dale Carnegie’s 1936 book called, “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Keep in mind, kindness and being mannerly are free, but they can reap great dividends!

We all know that the English language can be tricky and has a lot of exceptions to the rules. When we say, “You’re welcome” it is short for “You are welcome,” and it could have more than one meaning, neither of which are more important than the other, simply different. The first would be the kindergarten example of saying “You are welcome” after someone has said, “Thank You.” In the second way we use it, it means, you are welcome here or you are welcome to come into our house or sit at our table, etc.

We are seeing a resurgence of interest in manners, kindness, and good customer service lately. Because the lessons of kindergarten have been cast aside, people are having to be taught how to be pleasant, welcoming, and mannerly. You can witness this when going into stores such as Walmart who often have greeters, hired specifically to make the customers feel welcome. Other stores like Dollar Generals, Bealls and Tractor Supply specifically in our area, will have their cashiers give a loud greeting of, “Good morning, welcome to Dollar General” to the patrons as they come in, to create an atmosphere and feeling of home. This is effective if done in a genuine manner; however, when they already have a customer in front of them trying to check out, it seems a tad awkward. Also, the ‘genuine’ part of the equation is often not as teachable as the words themselves, often not getting the response that was expected or desired. This brings me to the focus of this article.

I read a clip on Facebook recently that was discussing the latter meaning of the expression, “You are welcome.” It was a piece encouraging believers to endeavor to be more Christ-like. It was both sad and eye-opening. Linda Hill posted this, and I would like to share it with you all.

The pastor says they sit front and center. The gay boys. Sometimes they hold hands. And some people have said he should address the issue. But the pastor tells me he doesn’t know what to say.

Then there is the couple who are pregnant and not married. She walks in shame as her father, a “Man of God,” physically slaps her legs while she is having morning sickness and the boyfriend is not wanting to marry her. But the pastor tells me he doesn’t know what to say.

And then there is the man who sneaks in the back door, fresh off the street, after the service starts. He always leaves before the altar call. The people sitting close by complain about how bad he smells of beer, smoke, and sweat. But the pastor tells me he doesn’t know what to say.

And then there is the young mama who wears dirty clothes and lets her four children come in and eat all the donuts and drink all the watered-down juice. Some church staff say, “They eat like little pigs. Like they haven’t eaten in weeks.” Meanwhile the Mama just stands there and lets them. The elders say something must be done. But the pastor tells me he doesn’t know what to say.

And there is the prostitute sitting among the faithful. Everybody knows her. She sits with a painted-up face, cheap perfume, and a broken heart. Those who sit close, well, they all treat her for what they think she is. At the last staff meeting, her name came up for discussion. They all agreed that something must be done about her. But the pastor tells me he doesn’t know what to say.

The pastor is a good man. Holy and just. He wants to do the ‘right and loving’ thing. He wants to ‘look like Jesus,’ but he tells me he doesn’t know what to say.

The pastor asks me if I have any thoughts on anything he could say.

Yes, sweet pastor, I do. Start with this and say it ‘louder’ than any other words:

“Welcome to church everyone. This is a place of love, hope, safety, and forgiveness. There will be food for the hungry and living water for the thirsty. We are so glad you are here. You are invited; you are loved! Come on in, we have been waiting for you. You are welcome here. We are the church.”

Say that! To the called and to the called-out. To the leaders and the greeters. To the dirty and the clean. To the lovely and the unlovable. To the sinners and the saints. We are all the same!

We must blow the dust of religion out of our souls and choose to show affection instead. May our words and actions and reactions be a sanctuary for all. Jesus broke many legalistic traditions, to love. So, Jesus, be our voice. Be the only words we ever speak.

 I believe with all my heart that years ago we were kinder. Everybody looked out for one another. We need to get back to that. It takes us all! We must do better at looking out for each other and being more like Jesus.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  The posture he always took during his earthly ministry in word and deed, was openness and a welcoming, approachable spirit to everyone. We have a running, comedic conversation in our home that we get chuckles about from time to time. When our children were younger, they began to note and point out how people so often begin to tell us their life stories, even if we are just at the checkout counter buying a piece of gum. They would question why people did this. We would just respond that they must have thought we were so open, welcoming, and trustworthy looking that they felt comfortable and safe in sharing and telling us anything. We can now see this happening in our adult children’s lives in their interaction with others. It is rewarding to see that they have learned how to be approachable and kind. Keep in mind, sharing your space, time, and a listening ear are very affordable if you are worried about your bottom line or budget.

This is exactly what Jesus was doing when he would gather at Simon’s house for a meal with him and his shady friends. The Pharisees accused him of being a no good, in Matthew 11:18-19, “For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, He hath a devil. The Son of man came eating and drinking, and they say, Behold a man gluttonous, and a winebibber, a friend of publicans and sinners. But wisdom is justified of her children.” There will always be naysayers and accusers; however, Jesus said that “the proof will be in the pudding.” We can, as Jesus did, love the sinner and still hate sin. Ephesians 4:15 admonishes us, “But speaking the truth in love, that ye may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.” Paul challenged the young ministers in 2 Timothy 4:1-5, “I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom; Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy ministry.”

Romans 5:8 says, “But God commended his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” 2 Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” Yes, the accusation was correct, Jesus was a friend of sinners and publicans. He knew the Proverbs 11:30 and 18:24, “The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that wins souls is wise. A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”  Only after making a friend, being open and welcoming will you ever have the opportunity to reach them with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Words are a ‘dime a dozen.’ People hear hollow and false promises every day, all day. Jesus said in John 13:35, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” 1 John 3:18 tells us, “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.”

We must keep in mind that hospitals are for the sick, not the well, Food Banks are for the physically hungry, not those who are already fed, and church is for those who are in need, both the sinner and the saint, but not for those who think they already have everything together and that they have no need of God. Jesus, our greatest example of how to live, and what to say, said it this way in Mark 2:17, “When Jesus heard it, he saith unto them, they that are whole have no need of the physician, but they that are sick: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”  We need to take a hard look at where we stand in this equation and consider being the first one at the altar instead of watching to see if anyone, ‘who actually needs God,’ is going to come.

My brother, Rev. Andy Carpenter, who pastored various churches for many years, always used to say, “We want to smell cigarette smoke and alcohol in the church house. This is how we know we are reaching those who are in need.” This may have been his response as a pastor to those who were looking down their noses and insisting that ‘something should be said or done about this’! It is often the last resort when people step into a church. They have often tried everything else at their disposal to make things right in their lives, to get well, to become worthy enough, or lovely enough, but to no avail. Yet we are not welcoming enough to even get to know them or their stories.

The story of the woman with the issue of blood in the New Testament is a classic example of this. We see this in Luke 2:43-48, “And a woman having an issue of blood twelve years, which had spent all her living upon physicians, neither could be healed of any, came behind him, and touched the border of his garment: and immediately her issue of blood stanched. And Jesus said, who touched me? When all denied, Peter and they that were with him said, Master, the multitude throng thee and press thee, and sayest thou, who touched me? And Jesus said, somebody hath touched me: for I perceive that virtue is gone out of me. And when the woman saw that she was not hid, she came trembling, and falling down before him, she declared unto him before all the people for what cause she had touched him, and how she was healed immediately. And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort: thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace.”  Jesus was not angry, he just wanted acknowledgement of the physical healing, which afforded him the opportunity to give her a complete and spiritual cleansing as well.

When people come in to a church, they know they are sinners. They know the essence of Isaiah 64:6 which says, “But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.” They are desperate, not for judgement, cruelty, hatefulness, but for love, kindness, and forgiveness. What we need to introduce them to is Jesus, who is their hope of salvation and get them familiar with James 2:23 which tells us, “And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.”  All they need, they already have, and that is faith. Jesus told the woman with the issue, “thy faith hath made thee whole.”  The sinner and the saint alike should read Romans 12:3 repeatedly, which says, “For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.” Yes, indeed to the lady who posted the clip I shared, we are all the same.

James 1:27 gives us this nutshell version, “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.”  We must help others, meet them at their needs, while keeping our hearts cleansed by the blood of the Lamb in repentance daily. There was a phrase that my dad, Rev. Mack Carpenter always used to say, which was, “But for the grace of God, there go I.” None of us are impervious to falling into sin, falling on tough times, becoming a dirty, hungry person on the streets. 1 Peter 1:13-16 tells us, “Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.”  

Jesus reminded his disciples of this in the story of the feeding of the multitude in Matthew 14:14-21 which reads, “And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, this is a desert place, and the time is now passing the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals. But Jesus said unto them, they need not depart; give ye them to eat. And they say to him, “We have here but five loaves, and two fish.” He said, “Bring them hither to me.” And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude. And they did all eat and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full. And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, beside women and children.”  We need to check our compassion barometer, learn to be more like Jesus, and remember that we are but His servants.

Breath, food, water, sleep, and love are all essential to human existence, and though we may not be doctors and know all the intricacies, we learned as small children the necessity of having them for our well-being. This may all seem trivial and elementary, until you forget to do them regularly. One of our daughters learned this quickly when she thought socializing would be fine instead, and she crashed and burned. If the foundation is pulled out from under you, there is nothing left to build upon that will stand the tests of time. We all have the exact same basic needs in life, from the front to the back pew.

Are there any parents out there reading or listening to this article? Most of us have tried to create an atmosphere in our homes of peace to the best of our abilities to where others would feel welcome there, most importantly our own kids, spouses, and other family members. Starting this from the moment we first get married, then begin having kids, is crucial to them wanting to come home from work or school and feel like home is a safe space, a haven of rest, and their personal ‘happy place.’ I have heard the expression that home should be a man’s palace. I agree. This is what keeps them from straying or looking elsewhere to have their needs met. The host of a You Tube channel I look at from time to time called “Home Worthy,” always asks the interviewee who is allowing them to tour their home, “What does home mean to you?” You will often hear answers like, it is our sanctuary, it is a safe place where family can gather, it is my place to unwind and relax. It is a place where I do not feel judged.

One thing that has been important to us has been that our now adult children, along with their children, feel like they can come home at any time. They are always welcome. We strive to accomplish this by giving them all a key to the house so they can come in even when we are away. It is fun to have them whether it is for an hour, a day, a week, or a month. They are developing their own young families, but a cup of coffee, or a game or two and time fellowshipping keeps the bond between family members strong, which builds a foundation for generations to come. We often get a chuckle and enjoy it when we look over and see a guest in our home who has fallen asleep for a delicious nap. The peace of God cannot be replicated and should never be exchanged for the chaos of this world. Jesus had told his disciples to go and preach, and he said in Luke10:5, “And into whatsoever house ye enter, first say, Peace be to this house.”  

Beyond any other place, the church should be a place where we want people to feel welcome and find the peace of God. If this is not the case, they will walk out unchanged but with a resolve to never come back. This will be a sad testimonial against the church on the day of judgement. May God have mercy on us all. We need to put our own likes and dislikes, opinions, and desires aside and remember that this is not our personal kingdom, but the Kingdom of God. Our goal should be to get people to heaven, not on our membership roster.

Jesus said in John 3:16-17, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” Romans 2:11 tells us, “For there is no respect of persons with God.” He has no hidden agenda. He loves everyone and he is “not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” As we become more Christ-like, we will become more approachable and compassionate. By our words and actions people will begin to feel that they are welcome. Yes pastor, what you should say loud and clear is, “Come on in! You are welcome!”