Just coming into the Christmas season, this lyric, phrase, expression, ‘Once bitten, twice shy’, is continually popping up in the song, “Last Christmas” written by George Michael and Wham, released in 1984. It goes like this.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special.
Once bitten and twice shy, I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye.
Tell me, baby, do you recognize me? Well, it’s been a year, it doesn’t surprise me.
“Merry Christmas,” I wrapped it up and sent it, with a note saying, “I love you,” I meant it.
Now I know what a fool I’ve been, but if you kissed me now, I know you’d fool me again.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special.
A crowded room, friends with tired eyes, I’m hiding from you and your soul of ice.
My God, I thought you were someone to rely on. Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on.
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart. A man under cover but you tore me apart.
Now I’ve found a real love, you’ll never fool me again.
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, you gave it away.
This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special.
So long!
In the song, the person who was given ‘his heart’, regifted it the next day, therefore, he does not want to make the same mistake twice. He used to be so confident and trusting until he was betrayed. He states that he is going to give his heart to ‘someone special’ this time, which he probably thought he was doing the time before as well. He is hurt, sad and ashamed, and he is having regrets, a loss of trust in her, and in the institution of love.
The expression “Once bitten, twice shy” is first attributed to Aesop, though the actual phrase does not crop up in his work until a later time, being the moral of the story, “The Dog and the Wolf”. This is one of about 725 short stories written in the late 6th century by Aesop who was a former Greek slave, who was sharing meaningful morals that he had learned from life. His fables were first handed down by word of mouth. A Fable means a ‘story’ from the Latin word, ‘fabula’. The story goes like this:
“A dog was lying in the sun before a farmyard gate when a wolf pounced upon him and was just going to eat him up. But he begged for his life and said, “You see how thin I am and what a wretched meal I should make you now. But if you will only wait a few days, my master is going to give a feast. All the rich scraps and pickings will fall to me, and I shall get nice and fat. Then will be the time for you to eat me.” The wolf thought this was a very good plan and went away. Sometime afterwards he came to the farmyard again and found the dog lying out of reach on the stable roof. “Come down,” he called, “and be eaten. You remember our agreement?” But the dog said coolly, “My friend, if ever, you catch me lying down by the gate there again, don’t you wait for any feast.”
Once bitten, twice shy. In other words, don’t fall for the same line twice.
This attribute, however, is a human trait, and far from how God thinks or acts towards humanity. We all want a second chance when we make mistakes, but we rarely want to afford others the same courtesy. Not God. His ways are so much different than ours and past finding out. Romans 11:33 says, “O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!” Though He hung the sun, moon, and stars in space, He can see the beginning from the ending, and everything in between. He chooses to forget His math skills and equations when it comes to our mistakes and sins, with no questions ever asked about the occurrence again. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” In Isaiah 43:25 God says, “I, even I, am he that blotted out thy transgressions for mine own sake and will not remember thy sins.” And in Hebrews 8:12 it says, “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.”
There are two expressions that apply here. The first is of French origin being, “Carte blanche”, meaning ‘blank document’. The most popular use of this term in English, is when someone gives you a blank, signed, check. You can fill in any amount that your heart desires. Another translation of this would be ‘full rein’. The check that we have received is available to us, already authorized by the Name of Jesus Christ. Our decision now is whether we will use it and if so, how much will we avail ourselves of. Are we just sorry we got caught in wrongdoing, and we’ll just use it as a onetime ‘get out of jail free’ card, or do we want a full lifetime dowry for the forgiveness of our sins. This decision should not be taken lightly because it was purchased with blood. Acts 20:28 admonishes, “Take heed therefore unto yourselves, and to all the flock, over the which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God, which he hath purchased with his own blood.” Hebrews 9:12-14 state, “Neither by the blood of goats and calves, but by his own blood he entered in once into the holy place, having obtained eternal redemption for us. For if the blood of bulls and of goats, and the ashes of a heifer sprinkling the unclean, sanctifies to the purifying of the flesh: How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?”
The second expression is from the Latin words, “tabula rasa”, meaning ‘clean slate’. Before the invention of paper, people wrote on whatever they found in nature around them, including stones, bamboo, papyrus and more, depending on where you were in the world. A ‘clean slate’ indicates that there is nothing written on your tablet or whatever method of communication you are using. There are no preexisting, predeterminations, expectations, or preconceived notions already recorded that would affect the meaning or perception of what you are subsequently going to write. There is no recorded history found. When we are washed in the blood of the Lamb, aka born again, we receive a ‘clean slate’ to begin writing our new story on. 2 Corinthians 5:17 tells us, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” John 3:3, “Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” This is true, not only because through the new birth we become childlike once again, being able to start afresh from scratch, but it also takes us back to the state of humanity before sin entered the world. The very nature of sin that we are all born with, is wiped clean. We are given a completely, utterly, brand new, right off the conveyer belt, never released before, ‘clean slate’. Thus, when repenting before God and receiving His forgiveness, we receive His justification, the erasing and expunging of all our past deeds of commission and omission. This is absolute, pure love and the amazing magnitude that is God.
There are scriptures upon scriptures admonishing us to be Christ like. Let us look at just a few. Philippians 2:5 says, “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:14-15 state, “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in anything ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.” Romans 8:6 tells us, “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.” James 3:17 says, “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.” Ephesians 2:20-22 says, “And ye are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone; In whom all the building fitly framed together growing unto a holy temple in the Lord: In whom ye also are built together for an habitation of God through the Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore, glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
We see here things such as, be Christ like, let this mind be in you, be perfect, grow in grace, and mature spiritually, yet when it comes to really fulfilling these mandates, we want to stop short, pick and choose the things we want to do or not do in this endeavor of walking in the Spirit. ‘Having compassion as Christ did for the poor’, oh, that one sounds very noble. ‘Having a meek and quite spirit’, this one sounds like something that would please God. ‘Giving of our tithes and offerings’, now this is for sure something that seems very reasonable and beneficial to the Kingdom of God, the church. ‘Loving our neighbors as ourselves by not coveting what they have and by helping them out of a jam every now and then’, sounds like the words of Jesus in the gospels. ‘Visiting the sick in hospitals or the shut-ins at the nursing homes or getting involved in prison ministry’, these sound like they would win some ‘Christ-like’ points. ‘Teaching and preaching the Gospel’ aka the ‘good news’ is a commandment that we know Jesus took very seriously and is very weighty when it comes to forwarding the cause of the church, therefore, we want to be involved in that for sure. Then, the subject of forgiveness come up. Did you just hear the sound of screeching brakes? This is one of those things we choose not to participate in. This is not a spoken refusal, but here are some of the subconscious excuses we give as to why we could never forgive. “Oh, I’m not God, so I can’t forgive.” Or “Oh, I can forgive, but I can’t (or won’t) forget.” Or “I’ll forgive, but I’ll never trust them again.” Or “They don’t deserve it; they never learn their lesson.” Or “They refused to forgive me, so forget it!” With those five thoughts or excuses, there were about five more nails driven into Jesus’s hands and feet in just a matter of seconds. Why, you might ask? Because we are in essence saying that what he did for us and offered us the first time was not sufficient to help us forgive. However, when we asked His forgiveness, He gave us the ‘carte blanche’, the ‘tabula rasa’.
Now before anyone becomes indignant, offended, arrogant or begins to huff and puff, let us examine the scriptures as to better show you what I am trying to convey. There is one thing that could affect your lifetime dowry of forgiveness, your ‘clean slate’ as it were. Jesus said in Mark 11:25, “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” And He made an even more direct statement in Matthew 6:15, “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Here we see that we hold the power of our own forgiveness in our own hands. It is directly contingent upon whether we forgive others or not. It does not matter how small or great the offense, or the one who offended whether they are a close acquaintance, friend, family member or stranger. It is also not of any significance whether they know they wronged us or not. We must forgive all. And the rest of the story is we must forget all. This is part and parcel of forgiving.
If we hold a grudge, we have not forgiven. The dictionary definition of grudge is, “a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.” Antonyms for grudge are friendship, love, kindness, goodwill, and forgiveness. These words sound more like the attributes of Jesus rather than the former. If you bring things up again and again from the past, you have not forgotten or in fact forgiven. The definition of forgiveness according to the dictionary is “pardon, absolution, exoneration, remission, dispensation, equitable, mercy and lenience.” Requiring penance is not forgiveness either. The definition of penance is “a voluntary, self-imposed or an imposed punishment inflicted as an outward expression of repentance or payment for having done wrong. Abasement, mortification outwardly. A price to pay for an offense, penalty, reparation, or amends.” Antonyms are absolution, remorse, contrition, repentance, and forgiveness. In Luke 17:1-4 Jesus said unto the disciples, “It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come! It would be better for him that a millstone was hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he trespasses against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.”
There may be those reading this who have already tuned me out, because it is a hard subject to discuss and to abide by, however, it is shown throughout scripture. If we are completely honest with ourselves, we often pick and choose the scriptures we want to embrace. For instance, let us continue and look at Matthew 18:18-20 where Jesus is speaking, “Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again, I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.” What a powerful, invigorating, and uplifting word of the Lord! We are very familiar with these passages, and we could read them daily and remain in a constant victorious state of mind.
However, in the very next verse, Peter broaches our sobering subject, forgiveness. Verse 21-35 reads, “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Therefore, is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him a hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So, when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wrath, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise, shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.”
Jesus gave Peter a seemingly ridiculous equation. Let us not limit forgiveness to just seven times a day, but I say, seventy times seven. This is 490 times, if anyone is as bad with math as I am. I cheated and used a calculator. This is 20.4 times each hour of the day. Almost 3 times per minute. The point is…you get the point. We must give others a ‘tabula rasa’ just as Jesus has given us. Even as Stephen did while at deaths door, in Acts 7:59-60 it tells us, “And they stoned Stephen, calling upon God, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep.” This concept did not originate with Stephen though; he had become Christlike. He had taken his example from Jesus. Luke 23:33-34 states, “And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand, and the other on the left. Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment and cast lots.”
At times we hold a grudge for so long that we forget why we were mad in the first place. The other party may not even be privy to the fact that they offended us or think we have moved on years ago. They could have in fact already have passed away and we continue to hold onto bitterness and allow it to fester in our lives to where it spoils everything that is good around us. We become trapped in a prison of our own making. We have the ability to free ourselves, with the ‘carte blanche’ that Jesus has offered us through His shed blood. Do not try to require penance from others. There is nothing they can do that can change your heart. This is only within your grasp alone, not theirs. We in turn cannot pay enough, pray enough, or work hard enough to make up for our sins and wrongdoings toward God either.
Where would we be today if Jesus, instead of saying, “Father, forgive them.” while he was on the cross, would have said, “Once bitten, twice shy”? We would be given up to the tormentors as the evil servant was until we could pay off our debt. However, we now have the choice to forgive others their trespasses against us, so that we can thereby receive our lifetime dowry of forgiveness from the Lord also. The beautiful old hymn written by John T. Grape and John T. Bartsch says, “Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe, Sin had left a crimson stain. He washed it white as snow.” Let our New Year’s resolution be, today and every day, to give others the gift of forgiveness. This is like you, the coffee lover, giving your spouse who never drinks coffee, a beautiful new, shiny, state of the art, top of the line, coffee maker for your anniversary. Who is the gift really for? Who will benefit from it? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. You will of course! That’s true forgiveness!