We have all seen survival TV shows and movies surrounding stories about people who are stranded on a beautiful, picturesque yet abandoned island. They go through the whole episode or series trying to prove or show how they can or cannot survive alone and why. Depending on the conditions of course, they could survive, however, would they merely be existing or living? The human condition depends on other humans for mental affirmation, spiritual encouragement, physical touch, and emotional strength. Since the beginning of creation, Adam could have ‘survived’ in the garden of Eden, but God wanted him to truly enjoy life. Genesis 2 tells us, “And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a help meet for him…And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.”
There are those who go through life not knowing what is wrong with them. Why are they always down, depressed, or lethargic? Why does life seem like a constant rat race? There is a clinical term that these are often diagnosed and labeled with called, “Survival Mode”. When you are in survival mode, you do not have time for goals in your life further than getting through the day. Though these individuals may be determined to achieve the tasks at hand, they are just trying to keep up with what is happening in the immediate. For instance, a woman who is working full time, in a managerial position, married with three small children, two of which are in diapers, and she is on the PTA for the third child and is the Ladies Auxiliary leader at their local XYZ Community Church, is a prime candidate to fall into this hamster wheel of just trying to survive. It takes everything within her, or anyone in similar overwhelming situations to just make it through the week, much less thinking about anything beyond that. It is taxing to their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual beings. In this light, the Island does not look so good now, nor does trying to survive it on one’s own look appealing. The proverbial woman of the story must get out of this mode if she is to live, rather than just exist.
This is often easier said than done, however, the resources to do so are often right under our noses, but because we are drowning, we do not see the life vest that has been thrown our way. Let’s look briefly at the woman in the example that I posed. She is a manager at her job. This means, she probably has those under her supervision whom she could solicit help from for various tasks. One that tries to do everything themselves often ends up getting nothing accomplished because they are overwhelmed. She also has a husband, who is most probably the father of her three children. Let him be a parent. She would find he is more than capable and willing if given the chance. Don’t think that if something is not done your way, it is wrong. She will have to make some compromises. She could choose between the PTA position or the Ladies Auxiliary if her plate is too full. This will make one of those positions available for another candidate to be used. And so on and so forth, so many changes could be made to incorporate others into her life to facilitate her managing and getting off the roller coaster she is on. This is just one of a million examples. You could probably plug in your own story at some point in your lives as well or someone you know right now going through this exhaustive process called existing or survival mode.
There is a sweet story that has made its rounds, but is still worth sharing, who’s author is unknown. It is called Burned Biscuits.
Burned Biscuits
“When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom, and ask me how my day was at school. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember watching him smear butter and jelly on that ugly burned biscuit. He ate every bite of that thing… never made a face nor uttered a word about it!
When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I love burned biscuits every now and then.” Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, “Your Momma put in a hard day at work today and she’s real tired. And besides – a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!”
As I’ve grown older, I’ve thought about that many times. Life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people. I’m not the best at anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. But what I’ve learned over the years is that learning to accept each other’s faults, and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
And that’s my prayer for you today… that you will learn to take the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your life and lay them at the feet of God. Because in the end, He’s the only One who will be able to give you a relationship where a burnt biscuit isn’t a deal-breaker! We could extend this to any relationship. In fact, understanding is the base of any relationship, be it a husband-wife or parent-child or friendship! “Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket – keep it in your own.” So, please pass me a biscuit, and yes, the burned one will do just fine. And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life. Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. ‘Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil – it has no point.’”
Is a ‘burned biscuit’ (insert your situation) that bad every now and then? It is not life changing, but our reaction to it could be, for our relationships with our wives or husbands, children, family members, friends, and acquaintances. Why are we more apt to accept other people’s ‘burned biscuits’ and not our own family’s? We need each other. Kindness, love, and respect must start in our own homes and then extend out to others. Jesus stated in John 13:35, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” And Romans 12:10 states, “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.” The ‘to one another’ love, is a kind of love that is hands on. It is not just lips service but showing someone by your actions and reactions how much you love them. Eating the burned biscuits!
We also need one another in this life because everyone has different abilities and talents to offer. Not everyone is going to be a butcher, baker or candlestick maker, fireman, policeman or Indian chief as the child’s rhyme goes. If they were, who would be the farmer, delivery man or the mail carrier, etc.? The controversy of equality is ongoing, but it is not as complicated as people make it out to be. Everyone though created equal are not created the same. Men do not have the capacity to bear children, (but they can change diapers), however, woman do not have the physical strength that men have, (but they can ride a lawn mower). Men and women think differently. It is a scientifically proven fact. I for one, though I may be stoned here, am fine with this. Each of us should push ourselves to be the best we can be, extend ourselves, and add to our talents, however, accept what we cannot change as the ‘Serenity Prayer’ states. The Serenity Prayer reads, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world As it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right If I surrender to His Will; So that I may be reasonably happy in this life And supremely happy with Him Forever and ever in the next. Amen.” We all have things we can bring to the table to make others lives more pleasant thus making our own lives more fulfilled.
Romans 14:7 states, “For none of us lives to himself, and no man dies to himself.” This chapter is speaking in essence of how everyone will do things a little differently, make different choices, but all as unto the Lord. No one is to judge others because of the choices they make. God alone is the judge, however, every decision we make does not only affect us, but all those around us as well and can be far reaching for the good or bad. How much different the ‘Burned Biscuit’ story could have been if the father/husband would have pitched a fit about the bad dinner and what an awful cook she was and what a sorry wife she was. But for that very simple reason so many homes are torn apart, and children do not learn how to be in loving relationships because of the horrifying things they see their parents do and hear them say daily. The book of James talks extensively about the tongue and how that we should learn to bridle or control it. With it being such a small member of the body, it can cause great damage. It also states that bitter and sweet water cannot come from the same well. If you are constantly reacting poorly in adverse situations, how can you then turn around and tell your loved ones that you care about them? You have already proven yourself a liar by your previous actions. You have also cut yourself off from the daily help that that you need, because of being so hateful and hurtful.
We must not go through life just putting out fires, rushing here and there, trying to chase after the tasks of the day, just existing in survival mode. Stop, take a breath, and make plans to seek help, to do something relaxing and fun with the ones you love, take time for yourself to regenerate. Make changes where needed, it is difficult, but you will not regret the decisions made for the good of yourself and those you love, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Show the one ‘to’ another love generously. No matter what part of the globe you find yourself on, if you are on an island, in the city or the country, remember don’t isolate yourself. Let others accompany you on your journey. Be a blessing to someone by letting them give you a helping hand. You may have to eat a burned biscuit occasionally, but it is well worth it. We need each other. No one is an island unto themselves.