Meaningful Communication

There was a quote from the 1942 Disney Animated Production movie, “Bambi”, that was repeated often in our home, while raising four daughters. The quote was brought to us by ‘Thumper’ the fictional, animated rabbit, who said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” It is hard to imagine that this movie that is still so precious and is still speaking its truths to children all over the world is now over eighty years old! The saying is attributed to Charles Caleb Colten, a clergyman, writer, and collector, born in the late eighteenth century, who was thought to have many eccentricities. He had many other good quotes, most of which were to help people try to live on the more positive side of life. Of course, with him being the son of Rev. Barfoot Colton and then going into the vicarage himself, it would stand to reason he had studied the most ancient of writings, namely The Bible, which is our source of all not only positive living and communication, but also spiritual faith, which is an even more lofty goal.

Philemon 1:6 tells us to use our communication to witness of the goodness of God, thereby bringing Him praise, honor, and glory. It states, “That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus.” Colossians 4:6 tells us to be wise in our communications, almost in the same tone as ‘Thumper’ the rabbit did. It says, “Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.” It has always been a mystery to me that we learn manners in all walks and aspects of life, from birth to kindergarten, then begin to dismiss them little by little as we age. Why is it okay as ‘an adult’ to speak or act rudely, but not as a child? It really makes no sense, and it is indeed not so. 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.”  We are not only excusing ourselves, but we are living with blinders on and deceiving ourselves to think it is okay to be crass, rude, and/or vulgar. Do not mistaken a few laughs as approval of your behavior.

Everything we do and say, no matter what medium is being used, is considered communication, even if it is only with our own body language. We need to make it count. Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, “But I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.” Wow, let that sink in for a moment. To try to be a recluse and not communicate at all is not the answer to this, because God requires us to use the talents we have been given, yet in a positive, constructive, and uplifting way.

I read an article recently in The Tennessee Magazine, Viewpoint, called. “Who Could be Calling?” by Mike Knotts, that I would like to share.

It might sound strange to say this, but I’m going to miss the wrong number. No, I don’t mean you’re worthless losing ticket from the latest Powerball jackpot nor the many mistakes I made in math class. In this case, it started with errant text messages that had been reaching me for a couple of years.

It seems quaint to think about it now, but do you remember how the phone ringing at home used to be somewhat exciting? Perhaps it was a distant family member who waited until after dinner time, when they knew you’d be at home and available to answer. If the call came during dinner, it must have been urgent.

A coworker of mine recently shared the amazing story of his grandparents and how they operated the local telephone exchange from their own home. If you were one of the 35 subscribers to phone services in Danville, Alabama, in the early 1940s, Mr. and Mrs. Jim Sandlin likely routed your call from one number to another by manually connecting cables in their dining room.

A lot has changed since then. When the cell phone became more prevalent, the phone call became a bit less special. And now that everyone you know carries a phone with them everywhere they go, the phone call has become one of the least preferred ways to communicate. A whole generation of young people commonly and genuinely fear talking on the phone. Sometimes those phone calls at home weren’t all that special, though. Wrong numbers, an occasional cold call from a salesman or even a prank call or two would find their way to your home.

Around 2 years ago on Christmas Day, I got a text message from a person I had met through work many years earlier. I hadn’t been in touch with them in a very long time, so I was surprised to see myself included in a large group message. I didn’t recognize any of the other numbers. It was a simple greeting in a photo of the person’s ongoing celebration. As the other replies and greetings came in, I began to realize this was a family to which I had mistakenly been added.

It was the modern-day equivalent of the wrong number. Back then I would have politely told the caller, “I am sorry, but you have dialed the wrong number.” Instead, I chose to ignore the messages and assume this sender would soon realize I was not the Mike she intended to include.

I didn’t think much of it until Easter, when I had the privilege of seeing the grandchildren’s seersucker suits and egg hunt bounty. Beautiful photos of fireworks came during July, along with various birthday greetings and well wishes throughout the rest of the year. The before and after game reflections on Georgia football were some of my favorites.

After nearly two years, my status as a false member of this nice family was finally realized, and the messages stopped. There was a great debate in my house about finally responding in some humorous manner, but I assume this grandmother had probably heard a joke or two from the rest of her family who had been wondering about the strange number included in their family messages.

Unlike the wrong number calls of old, I wasn’t annoyed or frustrated by the texts. I even missed seeing them at Christmas. But it does cause me to think that just because communication has become easy and plentiful, doesn’t mean it is meaningful. A good, old fashioned phone call is a great way to tell someone you care, get something done, or stand out from the crowd. And for the younger folks among us, if you try it, you might even grow to enjoy it.

That is a sweet story and points out so many things regarding communication; how it has changed, how change is difficult for everyone, and how important it really is.

We see from the story how telephone technology and communication has evolved from the multi-party line being patched through to people from the Sandlin’s living room, to how everyone always has a cellphone in their hand yet are too scared to use it for its intended purpose. We can also take note here of how easily a mistake can be made by including a wrong number in a text and connecting to an entirely different person than intended. Instead of that error going on for over two years, though it was not a bother, it could have been resolved by a quick communication back to the originator of the text to let them know of their mistake. Why do we choose not to reach out, when communicating is the lowest common denominator that we all as humans share?

The author ends with the contemplation, “…just because communication has become easy and plentiful, doesn’t mean it is meaningful. A good, old fashioned phone call is a great way to tell someone you care, get something done, or stand out from the crowd. And for the younger folks among us, if you try it, you might even grow to enjoy it.” He let’s us know that he failed in that communication effort, but that it really is well worth your time to reach out to someone and let them know that you care about them, or that you are grateful for them, while you still can. Speaking to someone just a few words a day, a week, or a month can literally save their lives.

A fundamental part of the wellbeing of human beings in body, soul, mind, and spirit is communication and more importantly effective communication. Without it we can feel stuck, guilty, dissatisfied in our lives, and disconnected from those around us. With a steady flow of interaction, it can promote healthy relationships, connectivity, bring a sense of belonging and support, and ease the mind. This is particularly seen in studies of the elderly. Sustaining mental and emotional health in relationships, romantic partnerships, as well as job associations, all depend upon effective communication. Communication should be at the top of the list with stress management, coping skills, and self-care.

Though we may not sit and talk to ourselves all day long, or do we? We should communicate with ourselves. This is a way to find out where we have been in life, where we want to go, and how we’re going to get there. Decision making skills come by reasoning things out in our own minds. Thinking of the mistakes we have made along life’s way, and how we can correct them going forward, etc. Psalm 73 is a Chapter of David confessing how he had looked around him and seen everyone, more specifically the wicked, prospering. How he communicated with himself about how unfair this all was. In verse one through three he says, “Truly God is good to Israel, even to such as are of a clean heart. But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well-nigh slipped. For I was envious at the foolish when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.”  All the way to verse seventeen he wrestles within himself of the injustice, and with his own feelings of envy, then he states, “Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I, their end.” He contemplates on and on until the concluding verse twenty-eight, where he decides and says, “But it is good for me to draw near to God: I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all thy works.”  These types of self-cleansing moments may not come often, or maybe they will for some, but they are necessary for us to move on and be productive in our lives.

Louis Armstrong sang a song written by George David Weiss, and Bob Jr Thiele in 1967, called, “What a Wonderful World” that we still know and love to this day. It is an immensely powerful song of reflection, beautifully communicating how he feels about life, if only directly to himself.

I see trees of green, red roses too,

I see them bloom for me and for you.

And I think to myself, What a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue and clouds of white,

The bright blessed days, dark sacred nights.

And I think to myself, What a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky,

Are also on the faces of people going by.

I see friends shaking hands, saying, “How do you do?”

They’re really saying, “I love you!”

I hear babies cry and I watch them grow.

They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know.

And I think to myself, What a wonderful world.

Yes, I think to myself, What a wonderful world.

There are many more scriptures that have to do with communication than what we have already shared. It is a form of expression and creativity, which we possess innately, because we are made in the image of our Creator. Ephesians 5:18-19 tells us, “…but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.” Our use of communication should be to bring edification to ourselves and to others. 1 Thessalonians 5:11says, “Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

In addition, our communication should be truthful as Jesus said in Matthew 5:37, “But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.” We must allow the Spirit of God to clean up our communication and take us back to our childlike state where we were loving, kind, and had manners. Colossians 3:8 says, “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.” It is said that true character can be seen by what people do, say, look at, aka how they engage in communication, when they are all alone and think no one is watching.

We then see in 1 Corinthians 13, which we have dubbed the ‘love chapter’, what the very first verse addresses. 1 Corinthians 13:1, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.”  Having diplomacy, yet being a shyster politician, or having a silver tongue of a salesperson to where you can sell a thousand dollar pair of high heels to an Eskimo without feet, does more harm than good because your communication is corrupt and is not being done in love. It has just become noise without melody, and you have become a nuisance and a laughing stock to those around you. Communication in and of itself is not enough. We must hone our skills and season our words with grace as the first verse we shared stated.

Then lastly moving to 1 Corinthians 14, Paul is discussing the gifts of the Spirit that those who are born again of water and the Spirit can have for the edifying of the church. It is essential that the message you are trying to convey is understandable. You are proving nothing by your eloquence or beautiful poetry that you may have penned, that is not understood or is misunderstood. Paul puts it this way in verses 5-12, “I would that ye all could speak with tongues but rather that ye prophesied: for greater is he that prophesies than he that speaks with tongues, except he interprets, that the church may receive edifying. Now, brethren, if I come unto you speaking with tongues, what shall I profit you, except I shall speak to you either by revelation, or by knowledge, or by prophesying, or by doctrine? And even things without life giving sound, whether pipe or harp, except they give a distinction in the sounds, how shall it be known what is piped or harped? For if the trumpet give an uncertain sound, who shall prepare himself to the battle? So likewise, ye, except ye utter by the tongue words easy to be understood, how shall it be known what is spoken? for ye shall speak into the air. There are, it may be, so many kinds of voices in the world, and none of them is without signification. Therefore, if I know not the meaning of the voice, I shall be unto him that speaks a barbarian, and he that speaks shall be a barbarian unto me. Even so ye, forasmuch as ye are zealous of spiritual gifts, seek that ye may excel to the edifying of the church.”  You cannot get any plainer than that.

So, the answer is yes, we must use our ability to communicate. However, we must make sure that it is understandable, executed with love, seasoned with grace, to the edifying of others, and to the Glory of God, aka meaningful communication. Be the one that reaches out to others, not the one with excuses of why you could not or should not. Put aside your fears, pick up the phone and talk to a loved one or a neighbor from time to time. Tell them how Jesus loves them and how you love them. Let them know that you care. You will find it can be rewarding. And as the author of “Who Could be Calling?” stated, “You might find out that you really enjoy it!”