My husband and I recently took a vacation on his motorcycle. We clocked on the odometer, that from the house and back, we had driven 4669.5 miles in 14 days. It was quite a unique experience, and we had a wonderful time. We traveled from Tennessee through Arkansas, Texas, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Arizona, and finally to California where he got to touch the Pacific Ocean for the first time. We then returned through Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and then back home to Tennessee. Yet, there was not one mile of that trip that was driven backwards. I have heard my husband say at times when he is trying to back the motorcycle out of a parking lot or maneuver into a small area, “Boy, wouldn’t it be nice if motorcycles had a reverse gear!” But alas, they don’t. Though he makes this statement from time to time, he and all other motorcyclists know that there is no such thing and have therefore made the adaptation in their thinking when it comes to driving them. To accommodate for the lack of the reverse feature, they will try to go through areas and park facing forward, so that when they reembark on their journey, they do not have the difficulty of trying to back the motorcycle up manually.
Another example of something that does not have a reverse gear is clocks. We know that time began in the book of Genesis, where the sun was made to rule by day and the moon by night. We know that people have used various sundials, hour glasses, as well as other methods to tell time, which originally stemmed from tracking the sun and moon. These can be traced back to ancient times over thousands of years ago. However, when clocks and subsequently watches came along, it served to make our lives much easier in keeping track of units of time, such as hours, days, weeks, months, and years as we know them today. It was not until the 13th century that clockmakers in Europe working in monasteries and universities began making mechanical clocks. They were driven by gears and weights and were marvels of medieval engineering and timekeeping. The fifteenth century introduced spring driven mechanics used in clocks, followed by pendulum clocks, and eventually the electrical clock. One thing that even layman can know about clocks without having to look inside of them, is that they have two hands, for the use of telling the hour and minutes, and can often have an additional indicator for the seconds, and they all move in the same direction, thus the expression ‘clockwise’. They move forward to the right, and the gears and hands do not move backwards. Even in the 21st century this technology remains the same whether the device is battery operated, hand wound, or electrically powered. Whether a cheap Timex, or an expensive Rolex, the inner mechanics all operate in the same way. The reason is because time does not move backward, and a clock is just a device that measures what God has already put in motion thousands of years ago at creation. We learn to tell time in elementary school, and that lesson is always applicable, and immutable. We only know of two exceptions because of the intervention of God on behalf of His people.
The first account we see in Joshua 10:12-14. “Then spoke Joshua to the Lord in the day when the Lord delivered up the Amorites before the children of Israel, and he said in the sight of Israel, Sun, stand thou still upon Gibeon; and thou, Moon, in the valley of Ajalon. And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is this not written in the book of Jasher? So, the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down for about a whole day. And there was no day like that before it or after it, that the Lord hearkened unto the voice of a man: for the Lord fought for Israel.” What a relationship Joshua must have had with God, and we can see what a wonderful love God has for His people! The second account is recorded in 2 Kings 20:8-11. “And Hezekiah said unto Isaiah, what shall be the sign that the Lord will heal me, and that I shall go up into the house of the Lord the third day? And Isaiah said, this sign shalt thou have of the Lord, that the Lord will do the thing that he hath spoken: shall the shadow go forward ten degrees, or go back ten degrees? And Hezekiah answered, it is a light thing for the shadow to go down ten degrees: nay but let the shadow return backward ten degrees. And Isaiah the prophet cried unto the Lord: and he brought the shadow ten degrees backward, by which it had gone down in the dial of Ahaz.” Hezekiah asked for a sign from God, that he knew could not be performed by mankind. God honored the prayer of Isaiah the prophet and made time go backwards ten degrees on their sundial, which experts say represents forty minutes of time as we know it.
Notwithstanding these two accounts, time is always moving, and always going forward. You have heard it said, “Time waits for no man.” Though our clock may stop because we forgot to wind it or the battery has died, time does not stop. This can also be noted on our calendars. The days start from one to thirty or thirty one and begin again, and when the year is over, it will repeat the same pattern. The numbers are read from left to right and you will not see a calendar with randomly placed numbers, but they will always be consecutively placed and in ascending order. We have all been given the same amount of time in a day, month, and year, and it is up to us how we will use the time we have been allotted in our lifetime. However, there is no reverse gear when it comes to time.
Anyone who is an author knows that your story, essay, or article, needs to have a beginning, which is known as the introduction, a middle, known as the body, and an end, which is called the conclusion. Though the length will vary depending on the project you are working on; this will typically be the order. In the English language, we read from left to right, and our alphabet goes from left to right, and though there are languages that are opposite to this, the subject matter must still be presented in a pattern and structured way, so that the readers can follow it through to see the entire picture. Office workers know that when they are filing documents, they will be put in alphabetical order, if not, this would defeat the whole purpose of the filing, which is typically the most hated job in the office. I speak from many years of experience, and many acquired hangnails. The purpose is so that anyone coming into the office looking for a document will be able to find it readily. Having random or backward files will not win you the employee of the year award, I can assure you of that.
There is, however, a condition which is categorized as a Learning Disorder or Disability, known as Dyslexia. The short layman’s explanation of this condition is that the person will see things backwards. Because of this, we know that something is not performing normally in that person’s brain. It is sending the wrong message of what the brain has learned to what the eyes see. Some of the signs that someone may have Dyslexia could be, at a young age they may have trouble learning nursery rhymes, they can mispronounce familiar words, they could have slow and awkward reading, they will rarely read for pleasure, they may not understand how words are formed with syllables or how compound words can be separated to form more than one word, they could have speech hesitation due to not knowing the right word to use, and can have poor clerical skills in adulthood. However, it is said that their minds are sharper than most and they typically have a warm and empathetic personality. We often chuckle when joking about our age and try to switch the numbers around to our advantage, for example I am now 16, aka 61, but for those with Dyslexia it is a real life issue that can make things that are normal for us, difficult for them. Though their world is abnormal and often backwards to what everyone else sees, if diagnosed from a young age, they can learn to cope and deal with the disorder in a world where communication is key.
I have seen athletes or exercise buffs trying to walk or run backwards, as I am sure you may have as well, but it often looks very cumbersome, and unnatural. Their reasoning for doing it is because it gives a different set of muscles a workout than the ones that are used to go forward. They are often trying to strengthen all their muscles to prepare themselves for a race, whether a sprint or a marathon. However, when the time comes for the race, they will not really get anywhere if they decide to go backwards. The human body was not made for, nor intended to, move backwards at least at any amount of speed needed to win a race. They will have to turn around, run forward, and then they will perhaps have a fighting chance to win the race.
I heard someone make a statement recently that fascinated me. She said, “Frogs don’t move backwards.” I am not sure the context in which the lady made this statement, but it caught my attention and made me pause, and took my mind to the subject of grief. The comment within itself is true, except for a few rare species. Frogs have muscles in their legs that are long and powerful that are attached to their bones by tendons. The energy they store can be released quickly and effectively, allowing them to jump. Their webbed feet also aid in gripping surfaces and propelling them forward as if on springs, which is referred to as ‘power jumping’. Tendon elasticity, muscle strength, and the physics of motion all come into play. They push off with their back legs and use their front legs to balance and control the trajectory, all the while tucking in the hind legs to prepare for the next jump. It is documented that some species can jump as high as 21 feet without a warm up. Quite an amazing feat!
Other fun facts about frogs are that though they are slimy and nasty, they can come in a multiplicity of beautiful colors and in all shapes and sizes. They can be quite alluring in photographs, seeing them in their natural habitat living their best lives, but in person, it is a very different story. I personally do not like frogs because they are unpredictable. You know they are going to jump, but you don’t know when. They seem to wait and tease you, so they can jump when you are least expecting it, especially when you are trying to catch one that has snuck into the house. However, I feel that keeping this fact in mind, that ‘frogs do not move backwards’, will aid me in my future attempts of cornering a wayward, sneaky frog. By staying behind the frog and putting a box or container in front of it, will allow the nabbing process to go much smoother than in past efforts.
As motorcycles and clocks have no reverse gear, and as frogs do not move backwards, and the human body or brain were not meant to either, so it is with life. Most of the time we are aware of this and go along with the flow, albeit reluctantly at times, until we are touched and struck by grief. Grief often is interpreted and mistaken as a reverse gear, when though devastating, it is just another occurrence in this forward motion that we call life. Loss and grief are so nasty and slimy, they come in all shapes, colors and sizes, and they are so unpredictable just like the frog, that they can bring us to a screeching halt. The loss of children, spouses, parents, in-laws, other family members, as well as friends, of which I have experienced many of these, often hit us the hardest, and even can cause paralysis, but there are other types of losses that can have the same effect on us. Loss of aspirations, dreams, property, friendships, trust, or hope, to name just a few, can be things that will cause us to grieve.
It would not be prudent for us to categorize grief of any loss on a scale of one to ten, because the causes are so diverse, and they affect everyone so differently. We must not compare ourselves to others. We cannot witness the grief journey that everyone is taking, because we are not with them 24/7 and grief will hit us when we least expect it, it is unpredictable and individual. Alan D. Wolfelt stated in his article called, ‘You’re not crazy, you’re grieving’, “Grief is definitely not orderly, predictable, or stage-like. Instead, it is more of a “getting lost in the woods” experience. It is recursive. This means that it twists and switches back. It’s shaped more like a random, meandering path than a straight line. When it turns back on itself, it tends to cover the same ground more than once. If you’re angry for a while, for example, you will probably feel your anger return in fits and spurts in the months to come. In fact, every pronounced feeling in grief usually requires repetition to eventually soften and become reconciled.” Grief is not a linear set of stages that everyone will go through, we must stay on the path, moving forward. Dr. Wolfelt continues to state that loss takes time for the mind to comprehend and absorb. Sharing our story with others and verbalizing our feelings to a trusted confidant will help us begin to acknowledge and integrate the difficult new reality we face into our lives.
Yes, the path may meander and have curves, turns and switchbacks, but we must continue moving forward, because moving backwards is abnormal, an emotional Dyslexia, if you will. Life is on a timeline, and a trajectory which is moving forward and does not have a reverse gear, however, circumstances in our life, or an event of loss may bring us to a crossroads with an enormous stop sign in technicolor. Stopping to grieve, contemplate, and regroup is a normal part of the grieving process. Healing in the makeup of humans, whether physically or emotionally, is designed to begin immediately, because of the forward motion. Notice I said, ‘begin’. Though the process can be painfully slow, every baby step we take forward leads us farther from the cause of the illness or grief, thus allowing us to be exposed to new environments or new experiences, that can assist with the healing and fill the void of the loss in our lives. This is not to take the suffering lightly nor to negate the cause and effects of it, but it is the normal process.
We know that the body builds up antibodies when it gets physically ill, so that when it encounters that same illness, such as the flu, it can fight it off more easily. In our emotional journey, when we come to another roadblock, still dealing with the same loss, though we will still have to stop again and regroup, we will be further ahead than we were at the last stop. The grief will never disappear completely, but the effects of it will be diminished as you reach forward to others outside of yourself and allow them to share the story of love and loss you have experienced. We know that loved ones nor things lost cannot be duplicated but the void can be filled. Do not allow the enemy to steal your joy and peace that comes from the Lord. As a child of God, that should be our normal. In Nehemiah 8:10 God tells His people, “Then he said unto them, go your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet, and send portions unto them for whom nothing is prepared: for this day is holy unto our Lord: neither be ye sorry; for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Satan will take advantage of us in our most vulnerable moments, because that is how self-absorbed he is. John 8:44 says he is the ‘a liar and the father of lies.’ If you give him a chance and he will come before the Lord and throw you under the bus.
An all-encompassing story of grief can be seen in the book of Job. Job was a righteous man and Satan came and began to whine before the throne of God saying that he was just protecting him to where he could not even get to him or have a chance to test him. Satan boldly spouted off to God, that Job would curse him to his face if he could just get a hold of him. God knew the heart of Job and allowed Satan to have a chance to tempt Job, and after continued negotiations, all bets were off, except with the restriction that he could not take his life. Boy did he ever take full advantage of it. He absolutely stripped Job of everything he had and brought him to the lowest point a human could go physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. He lost all his possessions, cattle, asses, sheep, camels, everything that represented his livelihood and riches, his children and all they had, his health, and the respect and love of his wife and friends.
Living in filth, shaven head, boil ridden body from head to toe, using broken pottery to scrape his sores, in sack cloth on an ash heap, his friends did not even recognize him. Job 2:9-13 tells us, “Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. But he said unto her, you speak as one of the foolish women speaks. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shall we not receive evil? In all this did not Job sin with his lips. Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came everyone from his own place… for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him. And when they lifted their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted their voice, and wept; and they rented everyone his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven. So, they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spoke a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.”
For the next forty chapters, yes, I said forty chapters we see Job dealing with, wrestling with and trying to cope with his grief. This was a journey that he had never been on before, but he kept moving forward. Yes, he was quite vocal with God, and had questions, some call that wrong or lack of faith, but others call that prayer. He never stopped talking with the Lord. It was only when he began to listen to the Lord and hear the word of God that his life changed. God was wanting him to look outward, move forward, and take the focus off himself and stop his selfish behavior, and when he did his circumstances began to change. We see in Job 42:1-6, “Then Job answered the Lord, and said, I know that thou canst do everything, and that no thought can be withholden from thee. Who is he that hides counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not. Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me. I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye see thee. Wherefore I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes.”
After offering up sacrifices to God, Job 42:10-17 tells us how his story ended, “And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also, the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. Then came there unto him all his brethren, and all his sisters, and all they that had been of his acquaintance before and did eat bread with him in his house: and they bemoaned him and comforted him over all the evil that the Lord had brought upon him: every man also gave him a piece of money, and everyone an earring of gold. So, the Lord blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning: for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she asses. He had also seven sons and three daughters. And he called the name of the first, Jemima; and the name of the second, Kezia; and the name of the third, Kerenhappuch. And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job: and their father gave them inheritance among their brethren. After this lived Job a hundred and forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons’ sons, even four generations. So, Job died, being old and full of days.”
When you are experiencing grief in your life from loss of any kind, know that you are not alone. Take the time to read the book of Job in its entirety, as well as other portions of the word of God to build your faith, find encouragement and gain renewed hope. Jesus said in John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” Hebrews 13:5 assures us, “he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” And in John 14:18 He gives us this promise, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” If you will keep moving forward, no matter the pace, he will lead and guide your footsteps through this painful journey you are on, and he will be with you every step of the way. We are not meant to move backwards.