Changes in life are as sure as the sunrise and the sunset and must be accepted as they come. However, for some they may be more than for others. We can find ourselves in a constant state of change and never, ‘grow up and settle down’ as parents and grandparents admonish us to do. This can be due to circumstances out of our control or of our own making and can cause us to live in limbo. Webster defines limbo, besides the dance or the state of your soul after death, for the sake of this illustration: an intermediate or transitional place or state, or a state of uncertainty. This is not a fun ‘state’ to live in. It is disconcerting and one lives always in an unsettled state of mind. This is exactly where the battle is won, in your mind.
In my life, changes have not been self-imposed for the most part but began when I was four years old. I was from that age on until now, known as a ‘missionary kid.’ Those who are ‘military brats,’ might be able to relate here. I was born in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, which was already a distance from the culture that my folks were of in Natchitoches, Louisiana. They had moved north to do missions work in the Dakotas and then felt the Lord calling them to go to Africa. I was the youngest of four living siblings, so their lives were probably more impacted at the time than mine, but that will be their story to tell. Through a grueling process, also a story for another time, my folks were appointed to go to South Africa, which is primarily where I grew up. During that time, we lived in three different cities before it was all said and done, lived in about seven houses that I can remember and traveled doing ministry work constantly. I would not change any of that, I consider myself fortunate to have had such a wonderful childhood and rich heritage.
When I was seventeen, I had graduated from high school and returned to the United States, to attend a Bible College in Mississippi. It is there where I met my wonderful husband, who, you guessed it, was studying for the Ministry also. He was incidentally a ‘missionary kid’ also. Next month will mark our Fortieth-year anniversary, for which I am thankful and have thoroughly enjoyed every minute. I would not change any of this portion of my life for the world either. However, we have during that time lived in Mississippi, Florida, Indiana, and Tennessee and in many varying cities and homes in those states. I have tried to learn from the example of the Apostle Paul as he admonishes us in scripture, Philippians 4:11-13, “Not that I speak in respect of want; for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere and in all things, I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” 1 Timothy 6:6, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” I have also tried to pass this along to my children over the years. However, in my flesh, I often need to shake off the ‘fish out of water’ and limbo feelings, regroup then keep trudging.
The expression ‘fish out of water’ goes as far back as 1483, found in a famous literary work, ‘The Canterbury Tales’ by Geoffrey Chaucer. He was trying to describe how one feels out of character on a horse, if they have never ridden before. Later it is seen in 1613, ‘Samuel Purchas’s Pilgrimage’ compares Arabians out of the desert to fish out of water. The idiom refers to something or someplace that is out of your comfort zone, as we say in the 21st century. It could be the same place geographically, but a different environment, like a new school, job, or church for instance. What really provoked me to thought though, was if a fish were literally out of water, it would die. Therefore, they flip and flop around madly trying to get back into the water so they can breathe, aka, live. They often, cannot do it on their own. However, with that being said, there are fish such as various species of Lungfish, Coelacanth, which have both gills and lungs who can adapt to living out of the water. The process is known as plasticity. Being able to adapt or be molded or shaped to fit new surroundings. One such fish, called a Bichir, found in Africa. A researcher, Emily Standen began experimenting with them to see if they could be raised on land. She was trying to see if they could learn to walk. It was found that they could indeed modify their behavior and survive, and she even notice their bone structure changing to adapt.
Though physiologically, we are different from fish, however the analogy is similar. Often when change comes, we are resistant to it, which impedes our progress, our feeling of well being and can lead to depression, seclusion, feelings of rejection and eventually an emotional or spiritual death. We must fight against the enemy that wants to steal our joy and peace. We must decide to be content and happy, by seeking out the good in our situation and living in the present. Again, Paul tells us in Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” There is always something good to be found in any situation. Just because it is different, does not mean it is not good or that it is wrong. If we do not acknowledge the good, and endeavor to assimilate to our surroundings, we could waste our whole lives in regret and pining over the past or what could have been. Set aside your pride and accept help from those around you who are already familiar with the environment you find yourself in.
I came across a short story that I thought was worth sharing called, What Life Is All About, by Marc Chernoff.
“Once upon a time, there was a girl who could do anything in the world she wanted. All she had to do was choose something and focus. So, one day she sat down in front of a blank canvas and began to paint. Every stroke was more perfect than the next, slowly, and gracefully converging to build a flawless masterpiece. And when she eventually finished painting, she stared proudly at her work and smiled.
It was obvious to the clouds and the stars, who were always watching over her, that she had a gift. She was an artist. And she knew it too. She felt it in every fiber of her being. But a few moments after she finished painting, she got anxious and quickly stood up. Because she realized that while she had the ability to do anything in the world she wanted to do, she was simply spending her time moving paint around on a piece of canvas.
She felt like there was so much more in the world to see and do—so many options. And if she ultimately decided to do something else with her life, then all the time she spent painting would be a waste. So, she glanced at her masterpiece one last time, and walked out the door into the moonlight. And as she walked, she thought, and then she walked some more.
While she was walking, she did not notice the clouds and the stars in the sky who were trying to signal her, because she was preoccupied with an important decision she had to make. She had to choose one thing to do out of all the possibilities in the world. Should she practice medicine? Or design buildings? Or teach children? She was utterly stumped.
Twenty-five years later, the girl began to cry. Because she realized she had been walking for so long, and that over the years she had become so enamored by everything that she could do—the endless array of possibilities—that she had not done anything meaningful at all. And she learned, at last, that life is not about possibility—anything is possible. Life is about making a decision—deciding to do something that moves you.
So, the girl, who was no longer a girl, purchased some canvas and paint from a local craft store, drove to a nearby park, and began to paint. One stroke gracefully led into the next just as it had so many moons ago. And as she smiled, she continued painting through the day and into the night. Because she had finally made a decision. And there was still some time left to revel in the magic that life is all about.”
We must decide to live in the present, wherever God places us and enjoy life. It may or may not be permanent, but God is in control. You may have heard the expression, ‘bloom where you are planted.’ This is necessary because discontentment and contentment are both contagious. We do not want to be the one who is always disgruntled and full of bitterness, but rather the one who spreads the seeds of joy and a peaceful spirit wherever we go. Anxiety and fear should be put aside when we are walking and living by faith in Jesus. Ultimately, we are just sojourners here on this earth, with heaven as our destination.
I must insert here, for those who are saying, ‘Easy to say, harder to do.’ I agree with that wholeheartedly. Change is never easy and yes, culture shock is real. I have been on all sides of the culture shock spectrum. Foreign, domestic, geographical, environmental, and social. Culture can refer to different things. The dictionary states it is; “a: the customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group, also : the characteristic features of everyday existence (such as diversions or a way of life) shared by people in a place or time, b: the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution or organization, c: the set of values, conventions, or social practices associated with a particular field, activity, or societal characteristic, d: the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations.” You can see where this could affect just about everyone in some way daily. When it comes to change, you are not alone it happens to us all. Most of us hate it, while some have become accustomed to it as a way of life as their culture.
I was always curious as to how people could get married, build a house, and live there for fifty to seventy years, or ‘until death do us part’ at the same place. I have relatives who fall into that category. I never understood it because my life has been the opposite to that. I have never wanted to do that because I love to travel and see things and have not been brought up that way. However, as I have grown older, I see some of the benefits of that type of lifestyle. A major one would be the feeling of belonging you could have. How can you invite someone to your home or town if you have no place to invite them to? If you have a homestead and you know everyone and are known by everyone, there is a camaraderie that takes place. There is a feeling of safety among friends and relatives and people look out for one another. Sad to say though, those who embrace this lifestyle are not always content either. They may say, ‘I never had the opportunity to travel like I would have liked,’ ‘I was not able to get an education like some,’ or ‘people are too nosy around here.’ You know that people with curly hair want it to be straight and visa versa. Like the girl in the short story, she wasted her whole life wondering what she should do and where she should go instead of just doing the one thing, she was good at and loved.
The key to getting that ‘magic of what life is all about’ is putting worry aside and embracing contentment as your modus operandi. Enjoy the blessings you have from the Lord in the moment. Jesus said in Matthew 6:25-34, “Therefore I say unto you, take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore, take no thought, saying, what shall we eat? or, what shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knows that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” Each day will bring its own problems to solve and its own blessings. He will make a way and give the provisions needed for the journey.
I have noticed in my life that whenever we thought we were giving something up to follow the calling of the Lord in ministry, He would bless us to an even greater extent at the next ‘spot in the road.’ He is faithful. His promises are true and forever settled in heaven. Hebrews 13:5 states, “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” He has been with me every step of the way and He will be with you as well. He knows our needs, desires and weaknesses and He will always respond right on time. Whether you are stuck in a rut, wondering if you are in a grave with the two bottoms carved out, or you are tired from going back and forth, or just sick and tired of being sick and tired, trust in His plan for you. You are not a fish out of water, you are right where he wants you to be. Pick up a paint brush and start making your life a work of art that the next generation can admire and learn from. 1 Peter 5:7, “Casting all your care upon him; for he cares for you.” Begin enjoying the process instead of worrying about the destination.
Thank you for sharing your journey