“He flies right off the handle”, was first written in 1843 by Thomas C. Haliburton, referring to an axe or hammer head that could fly right off its handle, after you strike it. My husband and I have a row of extraordinarily tall White Pine trees in our back yard that have been eaten up by beetles and are now dying from the inside out. Because of this, especially with one already beginning to lean, we have been investigating how to ‘fell’ a tree, who we might be able to call to do it for us, or if we can do it ourselves, and with this in mind, the expression ‘fly off the handle’ sounds a bit too real and too close for comfort for my liking. Not to mention, these sixty feet or more trees could fall in the wrong direction if the execution of the cuts are not precisely in the right place.
With that being said, I heard this expression used recently in a different context that got my attention. We were privileged to take a motorcycle ride with some friends a few weeks ago, up and down, in and out of many beautiful country back roads, stopping at Lynnville, TN to have lunch at ‘Soda Pop Junction, and then making our way to ‘Falls Mill’ in Belvidere, TN. There we learned many tidbits of its history including the fact that the mill was over 150 years old, and still in operation. It was a beautiful setting on a small waterfall, with a few cabins, and a Bed and Breakfast for rent, as well as a small museum. We paid the nominal fee of $5 and received a complimentary tour of the museum by the curator. The mill belts were still running and still used to grind corn into flour and meal, that they had for sale in the little shop as you exited. They showed us spinning wheels that were used for spinning wool into yarn for the making of fabric and blankets, along with a demonstration on a small personal sized spinning wheel. We got to see and hear a player piano play and saw many wonderful antiques that brought back memories of our parents and grandparents.
Towards the end of the tour, we were taken to a section where they had a printing press that was used to make flyers and labels for their products and as the lady began to demonstrate the typeset, the ink fillers and how the machinery worked, including the pulling of the lever, at which point she began to chuckle, and told us her story, “Oh, yes, by the way, don’t let go of the handle. You’ve heard the expression, ‘don’t fly off the handle’, well, I learned the hard way on this machine. My husband forgot to tell me not to let go of the handle until you guide it gently all the way back to its starting point. Yes, I let go, and things began to fly, the handle flew back harshly to its spot, and ink, sand, grit, letters, and paper flew everywhere. With ink and dirt all over me, that’s how I learned my lesson. The handle must be controlled by the operator to work successfully.” She sure did learn the hard way!
The printing press in its infancy originated in China, however, we are more familiar with Johannes Gutenberg, from Mainz, Germany, whose press became ready for commercial use around the year 1450. The only book to come out of Gutenberg’s shop was a 300 page, ‘Gutenberg Bible’, but he paved the way for those ‘would be printers’, who came after him. Gutenberg stated, “It is a press, certainly, but a press from which shall flow inexhaustible streams. Through it, God will spread His Word.” He certainly gave ‘credit to whom credit was due’. Though he had a rough road with his invention and business dealings, he knew that any invention or success we have, comes from God. Though printing is done with sophisticated machinery in the 21st century, the first models beginning in the 14th century, all had that dreaded, stiff, hard to control handle that we saw at Mill Falls.
Many who use the expression ‘fly off the handle’ in our day, have probably never held an axe or maybe not even a hammer, much less experienced the head flying off, nor have they ever heard that a printing press had this notorious handle to operate it. Our trees and books, which are incidentally closely related, seeing that paper is made from wood, are taken for granted now. Where do paper, books and printed materials come from? “From the store of course”, would probably be the answer you receive from the young people today. However, the expression lives on with another life entirely since the mid-19th century. It is now used to mean that someone has lost their temper, lost self-control, or is venting with uncontrolled anger. Something may rub you the wrong way, you become angry and because you have a short fuse, and are out of control, you fly off the handle.
The fact of the matter is that when we rant and rave, pitch a fit, have a tantrum like a child, things will get messy fast, as the museum curator told us about her experience. You will end up with dirt and ink on your face so to speak, and it will not be a pretty sight. Though anger and remarks are meant to make others look or feel bad, it will only backfire on you. However, something worse can happen, and that is hearts can be broken and irreparable damage can be done, and you will muddy the waters even worse than they were before you began to rant and rave. Ephesians 4:26 tells us, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” And James 1:19-20 says, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.”
In childrearing, 101, we know that discipline is an absolute necessity in the learning processes for children, though methods vary and are often a controversial subject in this ‘politically correct’ society. It is a fact however, that if you discipline in whatever form or fashion you choose, whether by spanking, giving a time out or by taking something from the child, if it is done in anger and accompanied with screaming, shouting and the flailing of arms and hands, or the throwing of things, the desired lesson will not be learned by the child. The only thing that will be remembered is the anger, not the ins and outs of what they did or didn’t do. When you are out of control, things just get messy. They cannot ‘hear what you are saying’ because of all your antics even though your volume is at it’s peak. If you have ever recorded anything, you know that if the volume is too high, the only feedback that is heard on the other end is distortion. The child will only be more confused than they were before, and become more guarded and afraid of you, not knowing when you will lose control again, so the problem is compounded.
The prophet Jeremiah knew that judgement would come with wrong doing, but he stated in Jeremiah 10:24, “O Lord, correct me, but with judgment; not in thine anger, lest thou bring me to nothing.” Children know right from wrong. They honestly, fully expect to be punished when they have done wrong. This teaches them boundaries, which they are constantly pushing, however, they want to know that their parent or caregiver is there, holding the line. However, the one thing we must guard against is what Jeremiah stated, ‘bringing them to nothing’ aka ‘breaking their spirit’ because we have uncontrolled anger. Punishment and correction should be done with control, love and with equity and justice. We do not want our children to crawl into a shell and shy away from us. For this reason, it is also suggested that if you do use spanking as a form of punishment, that you use a switch, belt, or wooden spoon for instance instead of your hand. Let them know that your arms and hands are for loving and holding them. Children are dear to the heart of God, and he wants all of us to be humble and come to him in innocent faith as a child does, however, to keep children on the straight and narrow, they must be disciplined. Proverbs 13:24 states, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
The way our heavenly father treats us is an example of how we should parent our children. He has unconditional love toward us and is longsuffering. Though God does not always say yes to our every request and give us our every whim, he always answers us. The answer could be no, or maybe not now, but he does not ignore us. God’s word is filled with explanations. Everything he does has a reason. Though we grew up in the era of ‘because I told you so’ answers, and we know that we must honor our fathers and mothers and obey them as children, explanations go a long way in teaching the lesson, rather than just stopping immediate behavior in that moment. Explaining the reasons why or why not will not only help the child to understand for future reference but will also make the parent’s life easier in future incidences of like nature. Children can be sneaky, devious, or innocent and ignorant, but they are smart and will be able to understand your explanation. Isaiah 55:6-9, is only one of many examples of how God tells us what to do, and the reasons why, “Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” We must put our cellphones down, pay attention and have meaningful conversations with our children to be effective parents.
Looking at Jeremiah’s request to the Lord once again, breaking the spirit, does not only pertain to children, but this can happen just as easily to adults as well. Friendships, family relationships, business partnerships or colleagues must be nurtured and tended to with care. ‘Flying off the handle’ in anger, having no self-control, and always being derogatory or incensed about situations and things that irritate you in the least bit, will only make people want to avoid you, and can be damaging to the relationship as well as the individual. We must stop and assess and ponder things before we speak. Another expression that goes hand in hand with the first is, ‘you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar’. Proverbs 15:1 gives a similar phrase, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” If you make someone angry because of your angry behavior, you will reap one of two responses with one result. Firstly, the persons’ spirit will be broken, they will retreat and stop trying to please, or secondly, you will wake a sleeping lion who will lash back at you. Both responses will bring the result of hatred toward you. You will not invoke the change you were really hoping for.
Though we do not wear a label on us, as a box that comes through the mail with a crystal vase in it does, the human condition is very fragile. It must be treated with great respect. We were made in the image of God, and as such we have a core need to be loved. 1 John 4:8 states, “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” If we act in anger, injustice, bias, malice, and revenge, we are the ones in need of discipline and change. If you are a narcissist and are so bold as to think that you can treat people in any way you’d like and speak to others in any manner, you need God’s discipline upon you as a son. Hebrews 12:6 and verse 11 says, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless, afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” Getting ourselves on the right track will allow us to deal kindly with others, reduce our anxiety, and allow us to think before we react.
Allow the Lord to correct you in justice, kindness, and peace, and in turn do the same with others. Not in a mad fury and not degrading and tearing down others, physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. You are not the judge or jury, just a guide and a teacher to those under your supervision. The concept of penance did not originate with God or from his word, but from a man-made religion, who thought they could buy pardon and absolution from their sins by paying off a mere mortal man. There is no amount of money or work that we can do to take away our wrong. Let us rather repent unto God, and apologize to others, and grant each other the same forgiveness and latitude that we want in our own lives. Restitution, however, is a concept found in scripture. If you have stolen and you can repay, do so, if you have lied and can make things right do so, but do not try to play God. If your child needs to learn a lesson by washing the crayon off the wall they have colored on, let them do so, as they are able by age, however, allow it to be a lesson, not an abusive badgering session. We all must learn that there are consequences to our actions and choices and the earlier we learn these things the better, but show forth the love of God, so that they will not be reduced to nothing as Jeremiah stated. Not only should we not ‘cry over spilled milk’, but we should not ‘scream about spilled milk’.
Finally, once you have addressed the issue at hand in a loving, kind, and judicial manner, whether it be at home with your child, spouse, at work with a coworker or at church with a fellow brother or sister in the Lord, move forward and leave that issue in the past. This is exactly what the Lord does for us. He does not rule with anger, but in love. A few examples are Psalm 103:12 tells us, “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” Jeremiah 31:34 says, “For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” And Isaiah 43:25 states, “I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.” We must stop ‘flying off the handle’ at everyone and every little thing and begin maturing in the Lord. This will make us pleasing in God’s sight and an effective teacher to those we have been given stewardship over. We want to hear the Lord say as he did to the servant with the talents in Matthew 25:23 “His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.”
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