Can You See Me Now

Have you ever been in the waiting room of a doctor’s office or in an airport or you name the scenario, where a family with several children walk in, and the quiet, peaceful waiting environment becomes pure mayhem very quickly. The kids begin to run around, whoop and holler as we say in the south, and all the while the parents sit down, slouch back with their heads down focused on their cell phones. It really is not that those are bad kids, though they can be annoying at the time in those situations, but they have not been taught, nor are they getting attention, especially in comparison to that which the phones are getting. Therefore, when left to their own devices and in an endeavor to get attention, they will stand on their heads, irritate one another, be overly loud and obnoxious, fight, bully, you name it. However, this problem is not just on that day just because they are in a confined space, but something that stems from their home life and is spilling over into all of life. Often, when this goes unchecked, these same parents will be visiting these same babies in prison as teenagers or young adults, because they have not learned discipline or how to respect authority. However, all they want is to be seen.

If you are a TV series watcher, you may have stumbled upon a detective story or two where they are in pursuit of a killer, oft times considered a serial killer, if they have multiple offenses to their credit. They often have a ‘modus operandi,’ aka, MO that they have developed to escape or hide their identity to not be seen or discovered. However, in direct contradiction to that, they will likely leave a sign, a signature if you will, that will let those who find their victims know that it is indeed they who have struck once again. This could be done in the style of killing, weapon of choice used to kill with, or by leaving a physical omen to be found. Often the conclusion to these shows is that they were looking for their five minutes of fame, recognition, and validation that they felt they could never get in their lives by any other means. The sad reality of it all is that these things portrayed in the TV series are just a depiction of what has at some point been seen in real life. One example is Jeffery Dahmer who raped, tortured, killed, and dismembered seventeen boys and men, committing cannibalism and necrophilia over a thirteen year time span. Another is Dennis Rader who gave himself the handle, ‘BTK’ because he would bind, torture, and kill his victims, and Ted Bundy was yet another, who confessed to over thirty murders of young women and girls over a four year period, and kept at least twelve heads of victims as mementos. These are just to name a few, and the entirety of their psychopathic stories are too atrocious to want to recount here, however, one could acknowledge they wanted to be seen and known. This is heartbreaking.

Wanting to be seen is not a terrible thing nor unusual, though people who fall under the description as the men we have mentioned here, and the way they went about getting attention is the exception, not the rule. Everyone wants to be seen. People have the need to be recognized, acknowledged, and heard. They want to know that someone cares. Be aware when someone comes to you for advice, they are not always looking for advice, but just a listening ear. This goes for adults and children alike. People wonder why their teenagers do not talk to them anymore. It stems from years of them talking and yet not being heard. They do not feel that the doors of communication are open. They are met with a ‘hum,’ or a ‘what,’ and not an actual response to anything they are remotely speaking about. Hearing a voice versus hearing what is being said are two different things. Being dismissed by the person you thought you could trust with your innermost thoughts can be very disheartening. It can leave one feeling insignificant and heartbroken. Having your spirit broken can lead you to shut down. This can come in many ways, but they all hurt to the core and cut to the quick.

Shutting down the lines of communication can lead one to become a recluse or a loner. There are many consequences that subsequently flow out of that, and most of them are not good. This can start a vicious cycle in lives that can affect all relationships. Not only for them, but those around them, from past and even into future generations. Have you ever visited a nursing home? They can be quite pitiful at best. They have people sitting out in the hallways in their wheelchairs not even knowing their own names or where they are. When you walk in the door you are often greeted with a stench of urine and feces. They have people moaning and groaning asking for help and more patients than the meager staff can handle. This is the very thing that people have been trying to avoid having happened to them all their lives. The word retirement can cause people to shudder or fall into a depression with the thought of this happening to them. This often happens because they do not have any family that they are close to, because perhaps relationships have been severed in the past or there is just no family left to care for them. Either way, this is an incredibly sad scenario. Though these elderly folks possibly cannot explain everything, they live their last days in a state of loneliness feeling unseen.

I have had first-hand experience with dementia and Alzheimer’s from taking care of my mother recently, for over seven years in our home. This was the most respectful thing that we could have done for her, however, the most difficult choice. This was a way to preserve her dignity. She and my father were ministers of the gospel for over 60 years. They accomplished many things for God, including working for over thirty-eight years as missionaries in several foreign countries. Yet at her end of days, years after she had had a couple of strokes, heart issues, and then the onset of dementia which finally became Alzheimer’s, she really did not know who she was, where she was or who we were. Yet, because we kept her close, we were able to ensure that she had proper care, and felt loved, wanted, and still seen. Experiences with her would often make us chuckle. Like when she told us that she had five husbands, when she had been married to my dad for 60 years when he passed. She was probably getting the story in the bible of Jesus and the woman at the well in Samaria mixed up with her own story. Jesus told the lady, “You have had five husbands, and you are not married to the one you are with now.” But for the most part, it was very sad to see. We took care of my mom the best we could to spare her dignity and keep her and my dad’s legacy alive in her last days and years. This is a subject that has not been discussed enough in our society. Those whose parents fit into this category should research and look for answers before making the decision for their care.

Everybody wants to leave a legacy. You can see that all around us, from street names, postage stamps, towns, buildings, and businesses. They bear the names of high profile individuals, politicians, activists, pioneers, celebrities, inventors, explorers, entrepreneurs or just the one who settled there first. Those who buy somebody else’s company will inevitably want to change the name because they want to be known for having had that business themselves or having done something in that town. It may not be as glamorous as when people have a disease and they name the disease after them and they become known internationally, but it certainly gets them a moment of fame in their community. As was mentioned, often criminals mainly psychopaths of course, commit crimes to get their name in the newspaper to get that moment of fame, even though they know the probability of them being caught is extremely high and they will spend the rest of their lives in prison. They want to leave a legacy and be seen, no matter whether it is for the good or evil they have done.

When people start getting older, they begin to develop anxiety and fear toward retirement because they feel everything, they have worked for is slipping away, diminishing, and going to fade away. They can ruin their legacy and become a joke because of trying to hold on too long, when just by stepping down they can preserve all the good they have accomplished in their lives. A prime example of this is the president of the United States, Joe Biden. He is aged and has dementia. There is no shame in aging, which is just a part of life, but the scourge comes from those who will not allow him to step down and be taken care of. Age will happen to us all, but it is incumbent upon family and those close to you to assist in this time of life. If not, all their legacies are ruined and marred, along with their reputation and names. Another example is those in the ministry who often do not know when to step down, which can by extension be the demise of the congregation.

Additionally with retirement, there is a sense of a loss of purpose. Everybody, young and old, needs to feel they have a purpose. In child rearing, 101 we know that when you are going to have your second child, you discuss this with the first child, at an age appropriate level, and let them feel that as a big brother or sister, their ‘job’ is going to be especially important. They say that the best practice is for you to incorporate that child into the process. They can do little jobs to participate in the baby’s upbringing. They can help feed it, play with the baby, or have a responsibility of some kind, to give them purpose. This teaches them teamwork and how a family should love one another by serving. The same goes for the elderly. Do not just put them in the nursing home, never ask their opinion anymore and dismiss them. Give them a purpose and sense of belonging, even if it is on the level of a child. You can gauge their participation according to their abilities. Put them in charge of coloring pictures and putting them up on the wall or crocheting a blanket. We will never know all the stories that go along with the faces of the elderly that we see daily. They may have fought in a war for our freedom. We will never know unless we see them and listen to them. We might be incredibly surprised at what we hear.

We should want to be seen and remembered for the good that we do, not the bad, not being a part of the Hall of Shame, but the Hall of Fame, especially in God’s eyes. He is the one who sees all and loves us despite what he knows. Proverbs 22:1 tells us, “A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold.” Before a story is told in scripture, there is first an introduction to identify the people in the scripture. Their reputation usually preceded them, whether good or bad. Luke 23:50 says, “And, behold, there was a man named Joseph, a counsellor; and he was a good man, and just.”  His tomb is the one they borrowed to bury Jesus in. In Acts 10:22 we read, “And they said, Cornelius the centurion, a just man, and one that feared God, and of good report among all the nation of the Jews, was warned from God by a holy angel to send for thee into his house, and to hear words of thee.” His family were the first Gentiles to receive the gospel preached to them. Genesis 6:9 tells us, “These are the generations of Noah: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God.” We know that Noah found grace in the sight of God and was instrumental in saving humanity from the wrath of God by the flood. Acts 18:24 says, “And a certain Jew named Apollos, born at Alexandria, an eloquent man, and mighty in the scriptures, came to Ephesus.” He learned the way more perfectly from Aquilla and Priscilla. Job 1:1 tells us, “There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was perfect and upright, and one that feared God, and eschewed evil.” These are some whom we should want to be number amongst.

We are enough, we are seen by God. There is no one greater that we need to please but Him. However, when we please God, we will be pleasing to others by extension. Our worth is not defined by this world like a purse or a pair of shoes that someone might put a dollar amount on. A purse to one might be worth thousands and to another it could be worthless. Who sets those prices? Where is their value system coming from? What is the significance of owning one item of similar purpose, style, and color, over another? We should not fret over what people think of our worth, or who sees us or hears us, because everyone sees things very differently and counts their worth according to their perspective, yet the real question is what does God think?

Our value to Him is Priceless! He bought us with His own blood. He saw us and rescued us even while we were in our sins. We should therefore not worry about what people think but consider how valuable we are to God. He died for all of us, we are all on the same playing field. Romans 2:11 states, “For there is no respect of persons with God.” John 1:45-49 says, “Philip found Nathanael, and saith unto him, we have found him, of whom Moses in the law, and the prophets, did write, Jesus of Nazareth, the son of Joseph. And Nathanael said unto him, can there any good thing come out of Nazareth? Philip saith unto him, Come and see. Jesus saw Nathanael coming to him, and saith of him, behold an Israelite indeed, in whom is no guile! Nathanael saith unto him, whence knowest thou me? Jesus answered and said unto him, before that Philip called thee, when thou wast under the fig tree, I saw thee. Nathanael answered and saith unto him, Rabbi, thou art the Son of God; thou art the King of Israel.” Jesus saw Nathanael before ever being introduced to him. David reminds us in Psalm 139:13-14, “For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knows right well.”  Do not lose heart today, know that you are already known, seen, and loved.