The institution of marriage was introduced by God. It was given to us as a gift, designed by the Master Himself. The wants, needs, and desires we have as men and women do not come as a surprise to God, because He is the one who created us the way we are. The bottom line to the plan, which was given to us, was that the plan was about us, and for us. Scripture is full of directives and instructions regarding the responsibilities and roles that men and women will play in this thing called life, and marriage. Though we know that King Solomon’s heart was wrongfully drawn away and lured by many women and their false gods, which ultimately led to him losing His relationship with God, we know that the Song of Solomon in scripture, is filled with examples of the pure pleasure that can be had in a marriage scenario, which is sanctioned by God. In the Garden of Eden, before mankind fell into sin, which is disobedience to God’s directives, Genesis 2:25 tells us, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” Hebrews 13:4 states, “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.”
Marriage is one of the first institutions established by God and it is so highly regarded by Him, that He uses the marriage relationship as a correlation and analogy of the relationship between Himself and the church. He is the bridegroom, and we are the bride. A scenario familiar to us would go something like this, boy meets girl, sparks fly, they date and spend and unspecified time together until one day, boy bows on one knee in front of his beautiful, sweet, innocent girl and proposes, at which point if all goes well for him, she will say yes, and then the planning begins for that glorious day of celebration, being the wedding ceremony. This is God’s design, yet it is only the initiation or inauguration into the grander, lifelong commitment known as marriage. Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:7, Ephesians 5:31 and Matthew 19:4-6, all show what longevity should be of a marriage and how it should be approached. We see Jesus take this on, in Matthew, “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
These events can be as simple or as elaborate as the bride desires and her family can afford, but the wedding ceremony is not indicative of how the marriage will be. A courthouse wedding is just as binding and do the trick as well. Therefore, do not fret when things that you plan for your big day fail and fall apart, you have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy each other. Of course, this is easier to say since I am forty-one years in, and young couples do not have the lens of time to look through yet, nonetheless, it is a true statement. The big day involves an extraordinary amount of work, planning and coordinating, buying, renting, managing, and decision making, to ensure that everything fits neatly into the puzzle. It seems that these skills should be able to be included on one’s job resume. It is a big deal! All of this takes place even before a reception crosses your mind, which is the same list as noted above, all over again. God is on board with these things because He loves order, structure, and precise planning, in fact this all originated with Him. 1 Corinthians 14:33 says, “For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.” In Revelation 19:1-6 John gives this beautiful account, “And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thundering, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigns. Let us be glad and rejoice and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, these are the true sayings of God.”
Last but absolutely, not least, especially to the young bridegroom, there is the anticipation and expectation, which are extremely high by this time, of how the wedding night will unfold. Still, we see that all these are perfectly acceptable in God’s eyes. With all the planning, anything that can go wrong and often will, because life can get messy, busy, and overwhelming. Nothing is predictable, nor guaranteed to go seamlessly. Perfection and flawlessness cannot be measured or calculated, to get things right to the nth degree. But when it is all said and done, the mishaps, mistakes, and oopsies are the memories we look back on fondly, years down the road. Psalm 19:1-5 declares, “The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shews his handywork. Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night shews knowledge. There is no speech nor language, where their voice is not heard. Their line is gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them hath he set a tabernacle for the sun, which is as a bridegroom coming out of his chamber and rejoices as a strong man to run a race.”
The word ‘to know’ is used in scripture to refer to the intimacy between a man and a woman. Though the dictionary does acknowledge that ‘to know’ in the archaic sense, meant ‘to have sexual intercourse’, here are some of the other meanings of ‘to know’; to perceive directly, to have direct cognition of, to have understanding of, to recognize the nature of, to discern, to recognize as being the same as something previously known, to be acquainted or familiar with, to have experience of, to be aware of the truth or factuality of, to be convinced or certain of, to have a practical understanding of. The institution of marriage that God established was to include all these aspects. Knowing the deepest part of each other and still loving them is where the true test of commitment and intimacy comes into play. Paul says in Philippians 3:10-12 of his intimate relationship with the Lord, “That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death, if by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also, I am apprehended of Christ Jesus.”
Something transcendent happens in a union of two people, they are fused together, and scripture states that they become one flesh. It is not only a physical connection, but a spiritual one. A bond is formed by intertwining their hearts, souls, emotions, and spirits into an unbreakable chord. Where in the past they were separate individuals and alone, now, with God as a part of their lives, Ecclesiastes 4:12 makes the statement, “…a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Without God in the marriage union, it will be weak and lack love, and is doomed to fail. 1 John 4:16, “And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” We know that it takes time to incorporate every aspect of ‘knowing’ all the intimate and unique details of another person into our lives, because we are all individuals, but taking the time and effort to see this transformation take place, where two truly become one, is well worth it. The moment you walked down the aisle and said, “I do”, is the moment that your vows and commitment took preeminence over the butterflies in your stomach you may have been feeling for months or years. Marriage should not be approached with the mindset of, “Well, if it doesn’t work out, I can get out of it.” If that thought ever crossed your mind from the moment you met that gal or guy until the time you said, “I do”, it should have been a red flag that you should not marry them, and you should have had the decency to walk away. In Galatians 4:9 Paul admonishes the church regarding their relationship with God, “But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage?”
Jesus desires to have a closeness with his bride that can only be described using this analogy, because there is nothing that compares to it. When we meet Him for the first time, there is excitement and joy that we feel. We receive His forgiveness which is freely given, we take on His name in baptism and He fills us with His spirit. We become one with the Lord. 1 Corinthians 6:17 says, “But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.” However, just as in marriage, when the honeymoon phase wears off, we must rely on more than emotions and feelings to maintain the union. We must build a relationship with the Lord that will stand the test of time. A commitment that will be, ‘till death do us part’. Romans 5:8 tells us how deeply He knows us yet still loves us, “But God commended his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” He wants us to know him intimately as well. This happens by spending time together, far beyond when the rented tuxedoes, dresses, shoes, flowers, tables, and chairs are taken back. Far beyond the wedding night, honeymoon, purchasing of a home, or having kids. He wants us to have a prayer life far beyond the Sunday night singing, sermon, alter call, and fellowship social, when the lights are turned off and no one else is around. That is the kind of bride He wants.
Listening to the Bible on my computer not too long ago I happened upon a portion of Jeremiah. Though many powerful things were spoken by Jeremiah, he was not seeing any change come about in the hearts of the people, due to his preaching. The words that he spoke seemed to fall on deaf ears, which would be discouraging to any one of us. Nonetheless, it does not matter the response of men to our preaching, God’s word remains true and will come to pass. Have you ever read something in the Bible, and you think to yourself, “I have never seen that before”, even though you have read it through many times before? This is what happened to me. An illustration that was so unusual caught my attention on this occasion.
Here is the story of “The Ruined Loincloth’ from the English Standard Version, from Jeremiah 13:1-11, “Thus said the Lord to me, “Go and buy a linen loincloth and put it around your waist, and do not dip it in water.” So, I bought a loincloth according to the word of the Lord and put it around my waist. And the word of the Lord came to me a second time, “Take the loincloth that you have bought, which is around your waist, and arise, go to the Euphrates and hide it there in a cleft of the rock.” So, I went and hid it by the Euphrates, as the Lord commanded me. And after many days the Lord said to me, “Arise, go to the Euphrates, and take from there the loincloth that I commanded you to hide there.” Then I went to the Euphrates, and dug, and I took the loincloth from the place where I had hidden it. And behold, the loincloth was spoiled; it was good for nothing. Then the word of the Lord came to me: “Thus says the Lord: Even so will I spoil the pride of Judah and the great pride of Jerusalem. This evil people, who refuse to hear my words, who stubbornly follow their own heart and have gone after other gods to serve them and worship them, shall be like this loincloth, which is good for nothing. For as the loincloth clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah cling to me, declares the Lord, that they might be for me a people, a name, a praise, and a glory, but they would not listen.”
Though Jeremiah was already distraught and did not have a clue why God had instructed him to go buy a new loincloth, once the story unfolded, he understood. God gave Jeremiah an illustration of intimacy that he could understand, of how he wanted to have this kind of closeness with the people of Israel, but they did not share His sentiment. Why did he need to bury the loincloth? This showed what the Israelites had done with the truth of the One true God that they knew. They had rejected Him by going after other gods, rendering their knowledge useless. Something that was so precious and to be handled with care was hidden in an obscure place, disrespected and soiled. God wants to be known by us and of us and speaks to us in terms that we can understand through his word. His word is to be cherished, but if we reject Him, there is no other recourse or way to salvation. Hebrews 6:4-6 states, “For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.” 2 Thessalonians 2:10-12 says, “And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved. And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie: That they all might be damned who believed not the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness.” Hebrews 10:26, “For if we sin willfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remain no more sacrifice for sins.”
It is up to us to keep our hearts and relationship with God pure and holy. We must put away the idols we are serving, which may even be self, and give Him his rightful place in our lives. Jeremiah had to go back and retrieve the cloth from the same place he had buried it at. Because Israel rejected the Messiah in the New Testament, we the Gentiles have received a chance of forgiveness. We have been grafted in to the branch, and through the new birth, we become Jews spiritually, but in the last days, the Jews will have to go back to the place they laid down truth and revelation and acknowledge that He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. We need to have Joshua 24:15 days in our lives periodically to keep a check on our relationship with the Lord. Joshua said, “And if it seems evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” We cannot have our cake and eat it too. We must learn to commit, in our marriages, in our homes, in our jobs and in our Christian walk. Proverbs 23:23 says, “Buy the truth, and sell it not; also, wisdom, and instruction, and understanding.” We must cherish these priceless commodities that we have been given.
A relationship can suffer, not only because of unfaithfulness, but by neglect as well, just as the brand-new loincloth was ruined by putting it in contact with the elements. We must be attentive to our bride or groom daily. You’ve heard it said that what you did to win your spouse’s heart before marriage, will be what you need to continue to do as the years go by to maintain it. The same goes for our relationship with the Lord. Dust off your Bible and begin nurturing your relationship with Him again today. Keep your light burning bright and your lamp filled with oil, because though our bridegroom has gone away for a time, to prepare a place for us, He will be returning very soon. We must be watching and waiting. John 14:1-3 says, “Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.”