I came across a short story called, ‘A Parable for Mothers,’ I would like to share with you since it is approaching Mother’s Day once again. The same testimonial could be true for fathers as well. The author is anonymous.
“As the young mother set her foot on the path of life, “Is the way long?” she asked. And her guide said, “Yes, and the way is hard; and you will be old before you reach the end of it, but the end will be better than the beginning!” But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So, she played with her children, gathered flowers for them along the way, bathed them in the clear streams and the sun shone on them. Life was good and the young mother cried, “Nothing will ever be lovelier than this!”
Then with night came the storm and the path grew dark. The children shook with fear and cold and the mother drew them close and covered then with her mantle; and then children said, “Oh Mother, we are not afraid for you are near and no harm can come to us.” And the mother said, “This is better than the brightness of day, for I have taught my children courage.”
The morning came and there was a hill ahead. The children climbed and grew weary as well as the mother, but as at all times she said to the children, “A little patience and we will be there!” So, the children climbed and when they reached the top, they said, “We could not have done it without you, Mother.” The mother, when she laid down that night looked up at the stars and said, “This is better than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardship. Yesterday I gave them courage and today I have given then strength.”
The next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth; clouds of war, hate and evil. The children groped and stumbled, and the mother said, “Look up! Lift your eyes to the light.” It guided them and brought them beyond the darkness. That night the mother said, “This is the best of them all, for I have shown my children God.”
The days went on and the weeks, then the months and years. The mother grew old and bent; but her children were tall and strong. They walked with courage and when the way was hard, they helped their mother; when the way was rough, they lifted her for she was as light as a feather. At last, they came to a hill and beyond the hill they could see a shining road and golden gates that were flung open wide! The mother said, “I have reached the end of my journey; now I know that the end is better than the beginning for my children can walk alone and their children after them.”
The children said, “You will always walk with us, mother, even when you have gone through those gates.” They stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her. They said, “We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A mother like ours is more than a memory; her courage, fortitude, and love for God will ever remain!”
Up until the middle of the twentieth century actual sponges, harvested from marine environments, were used for cleaning, as applications for ceramic glazes or paint, and used as contraceptives. However, most sponges now are made of synthetic materials. One interesting fact I personally learned in my short study, is that the luffa, or loofahs, that are sold for use in kitchens or showers are not actually sponges but are harvested from the “skeleton” fibrous part of the sponge gourd, named the Luffa aegyptiaca, Cucurbitaceae, which is an Egyptian cucumber and a part of the squash, gourd, and pumpkin family. Quite interesting.
Unless you are a biologist, a marine specialist, or a genius, you may not know what a ‘phylum porifera’ is. I must confess I did not, though it sounded quite exotic and intriguing. Let us delve right into the matter so we can ascertain the subject of discussion for this article. The dictionary definition of phylum is “a direct line of descent within a group, a primary category in biological taxonomy especially of animals that ranks above the class and below the kingdom, or a division.” The definition of Porifera, is a “phylum of primitive invertebrate animals comprising of the sponges and having a cellular grade of construction without true tissue or organ formation but with the body permeated by canals and chambers through which a current of water flows and passes in its course through one or more cavities lined with choanocytes, which is a funnel shaped collar cell.” Porifera comes from the root Latin word meaning, porous, pore. To cut to the chase, we will be referring to sponges.
There are several definitions of sponges according to the dictionary. One is “an elastic porous mass of interlacing horny fibers that forms the internal skeleton of various marine animals (phylum Porifera) and is able when wetted to absorb water. A primitive sedentary aquatic invertebrate with a soft, porous body that is typically supported by a framework of fibers or calcareous or glassy spicules. Sponges draw in a current of water to extract nutrients and oxygen. A piece of a soft, light, porous substance originally consisting of the fibrous skeleton of an invertebrate but now usually made of synthetic material.”
Sponges are filter feeders and sessile as adults. I am sure all of us as adults have heard the expression, “That person is a sponge,” meaning they are sponging or living off someone else. This saying is derived from an adult sponge that is attached to an external source and does not have mobility of its own. This is not a complementary statement, and we should strive not to fall into this category as we grow and mature. Everyone should eventually become independent and self-sustaining. However, this is not the subject of this article today.
Sponges absorb liquid which makes them an excellent cleaning choice. They can get into grooves that possibly a cleaning cloth or brush could not, to wipe up the spills, or expunge, or erase as it were, a mess. They are soft and nonabrasive and made of a pliable and porous texture. You have probably also heard the expression, “My child is just like a sponge, they soak up everything they see, hear, read and experience!” This is where we will launch the remainder of our discussion.
We only get a brief time with our children; therefore, it is imperative that we make each moment count. I have seen a lot of short ‘reel clips’ lately, stating, we will always have the house so we should not worry if it is dirty, we will always have laundry, so we should not worry about putting it away, we will always have time to pick up toys and clean later, when the kids are gone, so we should not worry about those things, but focus on the children while we have them with us. While the latter is true, I would beg to differ with their notion. I believe all of that is wrapped up into one and not separate issues. If you do not teach the children to pick up their toys and clean their rooms, take their laundry to the hamper or the laundry room or have chores such as helping clean up around the house, who will teach them? Once they have started school, it is too late. We are not meant to be their ‘bestie’ initially, but their parent. Because we love them, we teach them, discipline them and yes, we must also love them.
The Jesuits are attributed as having said, “Give me a child for their first seven years and we will have them for life.” These formative years are where you can fill the blank slate, the open book, with what is needed to make them succeed in life. Help them with building relationships, with others and with God. Assist in forming their personalities and more importantly their characters of integrity. They are like a sponge, absorbing and learning from not only what you say or do not say, but what you do or do not do. This molding process should not even be reserved for when they are walking or talking but should begin at birth. The children’s games we have all played at some point in our own lives called ‘copycat’ and ‘Simon says,’ illustrate exactly the behavior of a child. The child emulates first without even knowing what they are doing or why, no matter whether it is good or bad. The responsibility falls upon the shoulders of the parent to bring understanding to them of the what and the why. Parents have a very weighty position. They are stewards of God’s creation. He is the potter, and we are the clay, and parents are His apprentices. Parents must mold them into the design on the blueprints provided to us by the architect. If we do, we have an incredible promise, that we see in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This is not just a cute quote, but a true statement from the designer Himself.
Raising children as we all know, takes the patience of Job and the wisdom of Solomon and the compassion of Jesus and the mercy of God. It is a tall order. Though they are sponges and are absorbing information at a rapid pace, they do not immediately know what to do with it. They are walking, talking, living organisms that are still in the development and molding stages. They literally must be allowed to take baby steps when it comes to decision making in their lives. If we are asking a six year old to decide what house they want to buy and what bank to use to try to secure a loan at, this will obviously sound like Greek to them, and it also seems ridiculous to us, however, I have heard of parents allowing their children to decide if they want to go to church or not, and if they do, where would they like to go. The fact that they cannot make this decision should also be obvious to parents, but we see it being done. Decisions that children should be allowed to make when little are, do you want milk or juice, or do you want to wear a pink or blue shirt today? You get the idea, and these will increase in importance as they develop. Every small decision we allow them to make and think about will engage the frontal lobe in their brains, which houses the Frontal Cortex, that amongst other things is responsible for behavior and decision making skills. According to the experts, this will not fully develop until age 25 and sometimes thirty in men. We as parents should take a step back and think about what we are doing. These are important matters and should not be done ‘willy nilly.’
A parent holds the weight of a family, a community, a society, a country, a nation, and the world in their hands. To give up, throw in the towel or quit our ‘parenting’ jobs, is to doom our nation. We can already see signs of this all around us, because though we have a generation of very smart and motivated young people, they are not equipped for the most important job going forward, parenting. Many kids did not get a positive parenting lesson when they were small, vulnerable sponges. They have not been given definitive direction in their lives and therefore cannot lead and guide others.
In Psalm 127 we see the answer to the equation, “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman wakes but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” Children are delightful, they are sponges, they are our reward and something to be proud of, but the bottom line is, we cannot change anything by worrying, and we cannot do this job called parenting without the Lord!
This year enjoy your Mother’s Day and your Father’s Day because you have earned it. For those mothers with babies, be assured there will be a day when your children will be able to bring you breakfast in bed or buy you flowers. But for now, that might be the day when you just allow yourself to not do laundry, dishes or pick up toys. For those fathers with smaller children, there will be a day when your children will be able to surprise you with something special, but until them, this might just be a day that you do not do the lawn, or fix anything, but just relax on the porch or go fishing.
In closing, moms and dads always remember, your children are Phylum Porifera, aka sponges, as the dictionary said, from ‘a group that is a direct descendant,’ which is the two of you. This is a team effort. They will not only have some of your traits from birth but will also assimilate more by what they see and hear coming from you daily. Treat one another as you would want them to treat their future spouses daily. Proverbs states, of a mother and a father, “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Houses and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord. A wise son makes a glad father.”