The Distaff

You have heard the expression, “A woman’s work is never done.” This originates from the old rhyme that says, “Man may work from sun to sun, but woman’s work is never done.” This is meaning that though most men work full time jobs, when they get home, they rest and relax, whereas the woman must still do the cooking, wash dishes, clean up the house, do laundry, help the children with their homework, prepare the family lunches for the next day, and the list is endless. I am not referring to this as a way of being contentious or controversial, neither am I a man hater, I have been happily married for forty years and have four beautiful daughters of my own. Keep in mind, you can be pro-women without being anti-men. I also do not back radical groups that put down men to try to make women look more powerful. To me, they make themselves a mockery. In any event, I am just pointing out a few things that are without a doubt still the facts in the 21^st century, although maybe not to the extent as back in our grandparent’s day. However, now we have added to the equation, a full-time job for most women, in addition to all that she was already doing.

A distaff in its original meaning according to Websters dictionary is, “a staff or spindle for holding the flax, tow, or wool in spinning, or women’s work or domain.” The women would spin fibers on a short staff into yarn. They would typically do this daily since they would then use the yarn or the fibers to make material and in turn make clothes for their families and perhaps others in the community. This word dates to the 12^th century and is found in scripture as well. Though my mother did not have to separate flax fibers, then spin them to make the yarn or material, I do remember her making my sisters and I dresses when we were little. She would then use the scraps to make our dolls an outfit as well, and the rest would be used to make squares for quilts. Her work was certainly never done!

The second meaning given by Webster is, “the female branch or side of the family.” This dates to 1633, when it was used in this sense, by William Shakespeare an English actor, playwright, and poet, and Geoffrey Chaucer, an English author, poet, and civil servant. It became a symbolic way of referring to the women sector, because of their avid use of the distaff over decades and centuries. Just as you would call someone a Christian, because of their actions, as being Christ like or a follower of Christ. One author gives an example, that we do not only celebrate mothers on Mother’s Day, but ‘we honor the distaff side of our families.’  After the Industrial Revolution men were more involved with the spinning of flax and wool and the making of fabric and garments. However, it was originally incumbent upon the women to do, and they were also able to do this while watching their children throughout the day, as well as intersperse other chores, like cooking and cleaning, in between the spinning process.

In the constructing of a family tree, it consists of at least fifty percent of women. After all, without a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, or great-great-grandmother, you would not be around, whether you are male or female. Women make up an exceptionally sizable portion of society, almost ranking three to one in the United States. This can be for varying reasons, such as biological and social factors and more, yet it is statistical. Distaff became a common way to refer to those ancestors or female heirs by the 1500’s. Their male counterparts are often referred to as the ‘spear’ side.

As I have mentioned, the word distaff is found in the scripture. Let us take a close look at Proverbs 31:10-31, I have broken this chapter down into sections, putting similar subject information together, for the purpose of our study. Proverbs is often accredited as the writings of King Solomon, however, chapter 31 states that these are the words of King Lemuel. He is mentioned in this chapter, therefore, many think that it was indeed King Solomon, however, the significance here is, that these were not his words, but he was just recording the teachings of his mother, these ideas and words of wisdom did not originate with him.

In this Chapter, the king’s mother is teaching him about the distaff aka women, who would come into his life. She admonishes him on what he should look for in a wife.

Beginning in verse ten, she poses a question, indicating that this is what he needs to look for.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”

She tells him why he should be looking for someone with these priceless qualities.

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.”

She then tells him, that this type of woman will assist in building the family financially. She is not lazy, she is an entrepreneur, and is business minded.

“She seeks wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant

She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

She considers a field and buys it: with the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard.

She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night.”

The King’s mother tells him, that for her to work like she does, she must take care of herself, and being a businesswoman, she must dress the part to be successful. She is dressed to the nines, and there is no need to be jealous, she is doing this in her husband’s honor.

“She girds her loins with strength and strengthens her arms.

Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.”

She then explains that this type of wife will be community minded, charitable and show genuine love to others, because she is unselfish.

“She stretches out her hand to the poor; yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy.

She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”

Continuing, his mother tells him, that he should not be dismayed, no matter how much she works and does for others, she takes care of her family, those who are near and dear to her heart. She does not want them to be without, or to be embarrassed when they go out. They are the sole purpose of why she works so hard.

“She rises also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

She looks well to the ways of her household and eats not the bread of idleness.”

Lastly, the King’s mother says that she should receive praise from her husband, children and all those who know her, but ultimately, all her own arduous work will pay off, because she was strong, courageous, confident, and industrious, and her work speaks for itself.

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

According to this description of the distaff, aka the women side of the family, it sounds like they are the glue that holds everything together. They are unselfish and always giving of themselves. Not only this, but she is an example to her children of what they should be when they become wives and what her sons should look for in a wife, just as the King’s mother had taught him. Men you should know the fact that a virtuous woman is priceless which means in monetary value, you cannot afford her. You must win her with your love, respect and honor as well as keep her through the same means. If you do this, the distaff will go to the ends of the earth to please you. This is in her DNA and is how the Creator designed her. The woman should know that she must reciprocate the love, respect, and honor to her husband. Marriage is a mutual commitment, covenant, and agreement that two people enter. 1 Corinthians 7:3-4 admonishes us, “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise, also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise, also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Matthew 19:6 says, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”  We must put jealousies, suspicions and second guessing of one another aside, and know that what each one does is for the good of the union.

Those who are not yet married and committed to another, and they have a desire to be married someday, should be cultivating an attitude that resembles the virtuous woman while also learning from others around them. Keeping themselves untainted by filthiness of the flesh and spirit. 2 Corinthians 7:1 tells us this, “Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.” Just as the distaff in this category, are praying for their ‘perfect’, Mr. Right to come along, Mr. Right is also praying for his ‘perfect, virtuous’, Ms. Right to come along. So, it is up to each to keep themselves pure for the time when the Lord would allow their paths to cross. There are sixty-nine references in scripture of the Lord stating ‘be ye holy as I am holy.’ This is a wonderful gauge to discipline our lives to, to be ready to commit in a good conscious, when we meet the right guy or gal that we would want to spend the rest of our lives with.

Those who say, I am not and could never be like the Proverbs 31 virtuous woman, I beg to differ with them. Look back at your average daily activities for the last month or two. What do you see? Do a personal exercise of making a list of the daily activities and throw in the extra, possibly larger tasks, you might have accomplished as well. Are you constantly putting your family first, and making sure their needs are met? Are you working a job and always trying to make your pennies stretch, and searching for ways to save? I propose to you that you are well on your way to being that woman, whose price is far above rubies, if you are not already.

Let us examine why you believe you could never achieve this status. What is your definition of virtuous? Webster’s dictionary tells us the definition of the word virtuous is, “having or exhibiting virtue, morally excellent, righteous, and chaste” Synonyms would be, “all right, decent, ethical, good, honest, honorable, just, moral, nice, right, right-minded, righteous, straight, true, upright.” Do you have any of these qualities? Of course, you do! You should not sell yourself short. The Antonyms or opposites of this word are, “bad, dishonest, dishonorable, evil, evil-minded, immoral, indecent, sinful, unethical, unrighteous, wicked, wrong.” Is this a description of you? I would venture to say a thousand times no! Distaff, aka women, all over the world have painted the Proverbs 31 virtuous woman in such a specific light that they cannot see themselves as her. We know that probably none of us are sitting up through the night with a candle, or spinning flax and wool all day, however, we must look at ourselves in the era and times that we are living in. Take her account and put your own words into the story. For instance, this could be you.

Proverbs 31:10-31, in the same order that I had it before, for the 21^st century distaff, might be something like this. Who could find a virtuous woman? Her price is far above crude oil. Firstly, her husband trusts her and has no need to wander off and cheat on her, because she treats him decently and with respect, and not like trash, every day. Her husband is a respected man in the community because of this. Secondly, she looks for bargains and does arts and crafts to make things look nice for her family and sells them on Etsy to make extra money as well. She deals with the finances of her home and keeps up with the latest trends and will travel to get something if it is advantageous, fun, and beneficial to the family. She tries to find ways to invest their money wisely. She works into the wee hours of the morning, while everyone else is asleep to get her products ready for sale, and make sure her chores are done, and her house is in order. Thirdly, she digs deep and finds resolve, does regular self-care, and her actions and attitude make her glow. She looks drop dead gorgeous when she leaves the house, in her finest outfits, clean, crisp, and fixed up to the hilt. She believes no curlers, PJs or slippers should be worn to the store, to work or to a business meeting. Fourthly, she helps with community projects regularly, feeding the poor and helping the needy and offering words of wisdom and kindness to all those around her. Fifthly, if she must get up in the night to attend to her family for any reason, she does so willingly. She does not worry about her husband and children when they go out in the cold, because she is not lazy and has already made sure ahead of time, they have all the coats, hats, gloves, warm socks, and boots, that they need to stay warm. She has their backs. Her kids love her to pieces and they and her husband are always complementing her on her innovativeness. She is their hero. Stop and look around you at the wonderful life you have created for yourself and your family and enjoy. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised. This is you!

There is one other example in scripture of a woman who was called virtuous. Her name was Ruth. She no doubt did not have this example in her life growing up, because she was not of God’s people Israel, but a Moabite. However, when she married into the family of Naomi, her mother-in-law, she not only fell in love with her husband and his family, but with their God. When her husband died as did Naomi’s and her sister Orpah’s, she entreated Naomi to take her back to her land and had already come to terms that this is what she wanted her life to look like. Her actions of returning with Naomi, looking after her and obeying her requests, spread abroad and she was therefore known as being virtuous. It is not all about what we say, but what we do! This is how she snagged her husband, Boaz, and ended up in the lineage of Jesus Christ. This portion of her story goes like this in Ruth 3:6-11, “And she went down unto the(threshing) floor and did according to all that her mother-in-law bade her. And when Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was merry, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of corn: and she came softly, and uncovered his feet, and laid her down. And it came to pass at midnight, that the man was afraid, and turned himself: and behold, a woman lay at his feet. And he said, Who art thou? And she answered, I am Ruth thine handmaid: spread therefore thy skirt over thine handmaid; for thou art a near kinsman. And he said, Blessed be thou of the Lord, my daughter: for thou hast shewed more kindness in the latter end than at the beginning, in as much as thou followed not young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not; I will do to thee all that thou require: for all the city of my people doth know that thou art a virtuous woman.” He had no worries about doing his duty, as a relative of Ruth’s, as was instructed in the Old Testament law instructed, because her reputation had already proceeded her.

It is true, a woman’s work is never done, but they get the job done! When she sees her son grow up, showing respect to women and looking for a virtuous woman to marry, sees her daughters following in her footsteps, and sees the happiness and contentment of her husband, she knows she has done something right. She has accomplished the goal that she set out to do. Women are strong and resilient, and they wield power. We must not use it to manipulate and hurt our loved ones but use it to protect and direct them. We are invaluable, virtuous, and priceless, we are the distaff.